A Little Intro…

I’m just a laid back woman who likes expressing myself through various mediums, partially so I don’t explode and start punching people. But also, writing is my outlet, my coping mechanism, my friend, my life-saver. Now my goal is to transform it into something I can share, as I’ve never done that before. I also want to use it to make myself stop and live my life, the way I see fit.

I’m 28. I live in Chester County, Pennsylvania. Friday, January 13th of 2017 I gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Torvi Mahlia. She’s my greatest blessing and a true miracle. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done and ever will do. I have never experienced a love so deep, so all encompassing, so extreme. I would kill and die for her in an instant. She’s the most important part of my life. After her, I gained three more daughters, along with a wonderful man whom I’ve chosen to share my life with. Other than being a mother, I’m just a normal human being. I’m a strong woman, with a not-so-normal story, who wants to lead a happy, peaceful life doing the things I love.

I’m a recovering addict and it’s a passion of mine to attempt to change the stigma that is attached to the disease of addiction. I’ve dedicated a large portion of my life to helping other addicts, educating non-addicts, and maintaining my own recovery. I have not used drugs or alcohol since April 2, 2013. Getting clean was one the hardest (and second most rewarding) things I’ve ever done.

I’ve been blessed to lead a life where I’ve experienced (or been exposed to) many things. I’ve seen what I’m convinced is close to “it all”. I’ve held many, many titles in life; ranging from “mother” to “daughter”, “addict”, “girlfriend”, and “sister” to “tattoo artist”, “writer”, “sponsor”, and many more. I’m a little bit of everything and the in-between. I try to take all of this and turn it into words. Writing makes me happy and as mentioned above, is one of the tools I’m using on this journey to not only surviving my life, but living (and enjoying) it. So, as you’ve probably guessed by now, I’m not doing this for your approval, fame, or money (although I would totally be okay with someone paying me for it :)). This is just “mine”, and if someone else happens to enjoy it or take something away from it, well then that’s a bonus.

I write a lot of poems, rants, opinion pieces, and outright randomness. I’m imperfect at best; I drive too fast,  drink my weight in coffee, and cuss like a sailor. With me, what you see is what you get.

For more, check out my blog posts. There’s a little bit of everything, told through the perspective of my life experience.

Much love y’all.

 

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52 thoughts on “A Little Intro…

  1. I think blog critic is on to something. Your views are very fiercely divergent from the norm and I like that. Your writings about your ex seem a little exagerrated honestly. Can you take an honest look at yourself and say that all of this is true and the fault all falls on your ex? I haven’t met many people in life who are blameless. We each play our part in the dance of life and love and relationships.

    I suffered real abuse in my life and it honestly, what you’re writing doesn’t sound like real life. It just sounds like you hate this man and want to vent your anger. Is some of this fiction?

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    1. Like I said to blogcritic: I was by no means perfect in our relationship. No one is. The posts about mistakes I made in our relationship are back in the history while I was still in the relationship. I barely even wrote about the specifics of our relationship then, or afterwards, so I’m not sure what could even be construed as exaggerated, but if either of you have any specific questions then by all means, ask away.

      I digress: I doubt any relationship in the world is all one person’s fault. Well, maybe there’s a select few outliers but I’m not one of them lol.

      I have a very serious question for you though: if you’ve suffered abuse in your life before then how could you say that what I’ve said doesn’t sound true? I ask this because an abuse survivor is generally the last person to question another survivors story. And secondly, because if you’ve read my blog, then you’ve probably learned that I’ve lived through some pretty severe abuse throughout most of my life, so if I was going to lie about it (which is despicable in my opinion, to be clear) I would know how to do it. But aside from that: anyone who has suffered from abuse would know that no people’s stories would sound the same and therefore are incapable of sounding fake. People have endured things we probably couldn’t even imagine. So me writing a few poems about a man who decided I wasn’t worth treating with respect is hardly way out there. Regardless, everything I have said about him on this blog is 100% true and was witnessed by others over the course of two years of life. I wouldn’t have had any reason to write it otherwise. The only person I actually know in real life who reads this blog is my mother lol. So what would I gain from lying or exaggerating the truth? I started this blog as a way to cope with the shit life threw/throws at me. It’s just for me and for anyone who happens to get something out of my random ramblings. So why would I lie?

      And contrary to what you think, I don’t hate him. I hate what he did to me obviously. I hate the promises he betrayed. I hate some of the things that came after our relationship ended. But I don’t hate him. He made the greatest gift of my entire life with me and there were things he did and taught me that helped me better my life. He’s just a human being with his own set of assets and liabilities. Just like I am a human being with my own set of assets and liabilities. Our assets and liabilities didn’t line up in the end and we hit a point where we weren’t capable of being in a healthy relationship anymore, most of that surrounding the fact that he treated me like shit. It’s that simple. I couldn’t forgive a lot of the things he’d said and done. He couldn’t let go of things he deemed as being unacceptable about me that he’d known about since day one and said was fine. I didn’t want our daughter growing up thinking that how we were living is as good as love gets. But to be honest, I’m a little confused by both you and blogcritic: out of the hundred plus posts on this blog maybe 4(?) are about my ex after our relationship ended? I don’t know how such little information that’s not even specific could convey hate or seem exaggerated, or how anyone could think I keep his daughter from him or that I feel low? Of the few posts, I think most of them are told in poem form and don’t go into much detail, so I’m really wondering what y’all read that’s making you think what you do. Could you explain that to me? What posts did you read? What do you think sounds exaggerated? I welcome your input 😊 because everything I’ve written is true and I’m just curious how you guys ended up with opinions and perspectives that differ so greatly from everyone else’s. Thank you for taking he time to comment! Have a good night!

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    2. I was there to witness it all. I met Dr. Jekyll and watched him turn into Mr. Hyde. I watched the complexion of my daughter’s skin turn to grey. I watched her spirit begin to slowly extinguish. Then when a new life began to grow inside her, I watched the strength of time immortal infuse her very being. Everything she did and said from that moment on had her child at the forefront. My daughter is he strongest woman I have ever met. She didn’t become my daughter in the traditional way, but my love for her is as pure and true as her love for my granddaughter. I will tell you this. When it comes to my granddaughter’s father, I will not speak ill of him (it takes extraordinary effort NOT to), but I have nothing good to say about him either. Ashley and my granddaughter live with us now. They have a home built on love, laughter, art, music and (above all) truth. You made an uneducated remark about venting anger. That is MY job. Somehow, Ashley has come through a very difficult childhood and some piss poor adult decisions with dignity and grace. She is a woman of integrity and fierce in her honesty. I, however, can still be a classless bitch.

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      1. I seriously love the last line of this comment lol. You get as many points for this as you did for the one about If I gained as much physical strength as emotional strength then I could bench press a Buick…or something like that lol.

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    3. I’ve read your blog….from start to finish. I know the person you are talking about. I was witness to the behaviors you describe in almost exact detail. Narcissist doesn’t even begin to describe this man. He has been doing this to many other women for decades! He is angry, violent, predatory, drug addicted, spoiled and a poor excuse for a human being. I don’t know you and you definitely do not know me, but consider yourself lucky to have gotten out.

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      1. Wow this isn’t what I expected to wake up to. Thank you so much for reading my blog! I really appreciate that. Are you referring to my ex or my step dad as the narcissist that you know as well?

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        1. Your ex. These behaviors you describe started well before he even graduated high school. He has left a trail of broken pieces in his wake. It grossly affected both the women he tried to control and the people who love them. Reading your blog was like a walk down memory lane and remembering watching a person I care deeply about suffer the same experiences that you did. And to those who have questioned whether or not you are exaggerating……I can attest to the fact that you are not. The experiences you described have happened before to others. And it is clear that his behavior hasn’t changed one bit. At some point, if he wasn’t a narcissist and had some ounce of self-awareness you would think if all of these relationships fail, that he may see he is to blame…..but he doesn’t……because he is obsessive, controlling, and creates false narratives to boost his position. Knowing what I know and I know alot, I think you are giving him more leniency than he deserves.

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          1. Well it’s a fine balance. I have a child with him now and my desire wasn’t to slam him or put all his shit on my blog, know what I mean? It was to purge my own heart so that I could let go of the anger and resentment I had towards him. That shit was poison to me. But also, I met him after he got clean. I imagine his temperament was much worse when he was using, even “milder” substances.

            I wasn’t sure if you were referring to him because you said he’d been “doing this for decades” and he’s only in his early thirties (thus the confusion). I’m pretty sure the people who commented and said that I was lying or exaggerating were either his friends or ex wife. No one else ever would. You can tell from their commitment to bashing what I said that it was someone that he directed towards my blog. Or maybe told my name to and then they personally stalked me out and went on a crusade for him (as is so common with narcissists). We have finally come to a place where we can coparenting civilly and he’s in another relationship with a wonderful woman whom I hope has better luck than all his exes. God knows.

            I think I may have an idea of who your friend is. If I’m right, I’ve always been curious what actually happened there as I only have his side of the story which of course paints her as a “crazy bitch”. Either way, I hope she’s healed and has found happiness.

            It’s weird knowing someone read my entire blog lol. You know so much about me now! Lol. You’re the first (that I know of) who read it entirely. So I guess you got to see the progression of the relationship, the downfall, and the end. That’s wild. Most people only read a piece or a few. So thank you again for taking the time.

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          2. Mugsy, is it honestly fair to slam someone that is not in your life anymore? It sounds like you base your accusations on the past, and lets face it the past is the past, and we all make mistakes. We don’t need the constant reminder that those mistakes have happened, as we only want to better ourselves. I cant speak for Misfit or her ex, because I don’t know either of them, but I can say that if I was in their shoes, I would want to leave the past behind and focus on the future. Which I am sure they are trying to do because they have a child together. People do change, and judging someone, by what you used to know about them is unfair. I’m sure you wouldn’t like that either. Props to Misfit Spirit, for expressing her heart, as which I’m not sure I could do.

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          3. I get where you’re coming from blog critic but think of it this way: mugsy clearly knew him or stories of him from her friend for many years. Clearly knew of him throughout high school and afterwards. And then she reads my blog and the characteristics are exactly the same. Why would she hold back? Clearly he’s doing the same thing he’s always done.

            As far as he and I, I can say we’ve come to a great place where we work together seamlessly for our child and I try to keep a healthy distance so I don’t end up getting attacked. Generally speaking he’s kind and charming and understanding, when he’s getting what he wants. What he wants and what I think our child is ready for happen to line up right now. Hopefully that lasts but we’ll see.

            I had the same experience when I was with him. He acted PERFECT the first 6 months: was calm, courteous, empathetic, considerate, and funny. Then he slowly started taking everything out on me. He would come back with heartfelt apologies, say it was because of the damage from his ex wife or because of some other stressor in his life (NEVER his fault though) and I would forgive him. Slowly the apologies disappeared and it was all my fault even though I and nothing about my situation had changed from day one. He started deciding he had problems with things about me that I told him about from the fourth day I ever knew him, started attacking and belittling me because of those things. And after our child was born he was cruel. Offered no support. Said I was being a control freak and startling our child because I wanted to breastfeed. Mind you she was never underweight or went longer than 3 hours without eating. He just didn’t like that he didn’t know anything about breastfeeding and it was something I had total control over. She had a recessed chin so she had trouble latching and he would stand over me while I was a new mom, super emotional, trying to latch my hungry child, and say “you’re starving her! Why are you such a control freak!” All while shaking a bottle in my face. She was fine. We were just learning together, as many first time breastfeeding moms will understand. He was outright cruel. This is the man mugsy is talking about. When I got with him his wife sent me a text saying all the things mugsy is saying. That he would constantly hurt me and always blame it on something outside of himself and that even when he apologized there would always be a disclaimer about why it was more someone else’s fault. And I told her I was going to find out for myself (plus I was only functioning under him telling me she was psychotic and a bitch and a bad mother). And she was right.

            Today, to be fair, we have a healthy, limited, coparenting relationship for our daughter. I hope he and I and his girlfriend can all be civil and be around each other and be a loving force for these children involved. But that will all depend on him keeping his ego and abusive ways in check. I truly wish the best for him. But I would never, in a million years, ever, go back with him

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          4. Im so sorry, for misunderstanding, but maybe he thought that its time for him to be a better man? I sincerely hope the best for everyone. I hope that your relationship stays civil.

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          5. I truly hope that’s the case. Like I said, only time will tell. I’m happy with the way things are now. Just… cautious. But he takes care of our girl when she’s there and he speaks to me with respect and fairness. That’s all I ever wanted. When things were volatile they were that way because he couldn’t do those things and wanted to act as if my position as our child’s mother meant nothing over him being her dad. And so things were rough. But they’ve been good lately. I just don’t trust anything.

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          6. blogcritic…..I am not here to get into a who is right or wrong debate. All I know is I have an opinion and I’m not ashamed of it.

            To answer your question, yes I do think it is fair. My experience (and by mine I do not mean it happened directly to me, but to someone very, very close to me) and Misfit’s experience are mirror images of each other with quite a bit of time in between. And there are more than several women now who experienced the wrath. I don’t find it to be an unfair assessment if the pattern of behavior hasn’t changed in 10+ years. If the same thing happened 10 years ago and again in the past year or so……did he change?

            Yes people make mistakes, but do people continue to make the same ones over and over with no accountability? As a woman I find that other women are quick to judge another woman and let a man off the hook because their behavior is easily explained away. My response was to Misfit so she knew there is someone, another woman out there who believes EVERY WORD! I didn’t question her truth because I lived it, but no one should question her truth even if they didn’t. There is no exaggeration in the blog as was indicated in several comments with one being your own. As I stated previously I believe that Misfit has not and certainly will not reveal all for obvious reasons to protect a small child and her relationship with the child’s parent. Nor should she.

            As a mother myself who has to share custody with someone, it is a delicate balance under the best circumstances and a minefield under the worst. You try daily to maintain the “happy” for the children involved even if the person you share them with is a horrible human. And for that reason, I hope he can keep his shit together so his children can grow up admiring him instead of the alternative, even if I do think he is a giant POS.

            PS-Yes Misfit…..I am very thorough. I enjoy reading a book from cover to cover, so you cant just jump to the end of the book and expect to know the whole story.

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          7. I so appreciate that. And this comment. It was tough at first man. The people really close to me knew the truth because as things started changing I would talk to them about it. They saw the progression from the start of it. But he played it off to the rest of the world like everything was perfect. The last year was hell 90% of the time yet when I left his mom told me she was supposed to hear I had. He wasn’t honest or accountable with anyone. Once I left he had to make it my fault so he painted it like I lost my mind when I had the baby, told people I had postpartum, and then started insinuating that I was using (I’ll have 5 years clean in April). Due to the fact that I don’t display my personal business on social media and this page doesn’t have people who know me on it minus maybe 2-3, no one knew the truth. They thought we were perfect. So more people thought it was true (other than those who knew me). It was a painful time. Lost friends, alone with a 3 month old, moving back home while he took the money we saved and bought a house. It was brutal. So hearing someone say “I believe you” truly means a lot. It’s something I’ve healed a great deal from and I’m in an amazing, loving relationship with a man who is truly kind and empathetic today. So life is good. Things are civil and good for our daughter. I can’t ask for much more. Thank you for taking the time to read “my book”. I’ve purged a lot of dark and fantastic things on this blog since I started it 2 years ago. 💜

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  2. I Wanted to say that this is great… But, Is everything you post true? Is your ex really a narcissist, or are you just telling yourself that so you don’t feel so low? What’s the real secret? Some believe that we as humans can make excuses for our own mistakes, as if they seem that they are not our mistakes. Your blog is really wonderful, I enjoyed it. Your views on life are one in a million.

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    1. Thank you. I appreciate that. And since you asked: yes it’s absolutely true. Everything I write is true unless it’s specifically meant to be fiction. Naturally I made many of my own mistakes in our relationship; no relationship has one side that’s completely devoid of error. But the thing that started all of our problems, exacerbated them, and inevitably served as the nail in the coffin was how he treated me. He held me to standards that weren’t fair or normal and that he couldn’t meet himself. Thought he was better than absolutely everyone, including people with much more life experience than him. Treated everyone around him as less than from me, the woman he chose to have a child with, his parents, his ex wife, the waitress, everyone. It was terrible. I remember him screaming in my face with our 8 week old in my arms because I told him how gas drops were made to be used when he insinuated that I should give them to her because they would “instantly make her stomach stop hurting”. Not how they work. I told him I had read up on it and been using them for weeks and “this is what I learned” and he proceeded to tell me to “shut the fuck up” and to “get the fuck out” with our 8 week old in a house we paid equally for. Why? Because I disagreed with him. He was volatile, which made me shut down and become defensive about everything, which I’m sure didn’t help the situation. I don’t feel low though. I have an incredible life and the best daughter a woman could ever ask for. He and I both served our purpose when we brought this amazing little person into the world. We just weren’t meant to stay together after that. I never want my daughter to grow up thinking that’s how a man should treat her. Thank you for your questions and your compliments. I always appreciate a full comment 🙂

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      1. I appreciate you explaining, although it was not necessary that you go into full detail. I understand that everyone has their faults in this world, even me. That little girl has a wonderful mom, but try to remember not to keep her from her father. As we have all faced many, many obstacles in our lifetime, and there are many more to come. But one thing that a girl needs is her father, I didn’t have one, and I wish I did. Your a great mother, but sometimes as much as you don’t want to you have to at least attempt to see things as a bigger picture. I’m sincerely sorry for all of your troubles!

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        1. The irony is great here lol. When I initially read your comment I was sitting in a parking lot in Maryland, when I live in Pennsylvania, because I was waiting for my daughter’s visit with her father to be over. I spend $25 a week and put 180 miles a week on my car driving her to two visits with her father. Then comes to my area once a week. I have never kept her from him, not when we were fighting, not when he refused to give me any money, food or clothes for her, never. I also never had a dad so I deeply understand the importance of a daughter’s relationship with her father, I also understand the damage a lack of one can do. I’m not sure where you got the impression that I’ve ever kept her from him, but I haven’t. Quite to the opposite, he’s given up many visits with her and I got on his ass for it because she’s a baby and it’s best for her to see him regularly. So trust me, I can see the whole picture. I would love to not drive to Maryland and sit there for 2 1/2 hours while she sees him, I’d love to not go over the mileage limit on my car, I’d love to never see him again, but the big picture is his place in my daughter’s life is permanent.

          As far as the details, you gotta understand, I know I put my life out there for people to comment on and I welcome that. I love the questions and the opportunity to see different perspectives. However, when someone asks me about a time in my life when I was trapped in a very abusive, volatile environment, one that I ran from because I was afraid of it fucking my daughter up and fuckin me up more, I can’t help but go into detail. This is a man who started out as perfect and charming, he said all the right things, did all the right things, seemed sensitive and kind, a wounded bird of sorts who’s ex wife “ruined his life” and “kept him from his daughter”. She was the “abusive druggie Bitch” he was getting away from. And then when I move in with him I find out that he was doing steroids the first year he was supposed to be clean, is eating 15 Benadryl every night to go to sleep even though they make him mean, then eats caffeine to wake him up, and all the sudden this perfect man is mean and nasty and ALWAYS has a reason it’s someone else’s fault. His ex wife had told me all about him and I didn’t believe a word she said because of all these stories he told me about her. She turned out to be completely right. He lured me in with a facade and lies and then when he let the truth out and was nasty it was always somehow my fault. He said and did horrible shit regularly and always had a reason why he did. I was very, very careful to keep my side of the street clean. In the end I was full of resentment and hurt and hormones and maybe wasn’t at my best but there was a lot of time where I gave him my best and got only his worst. Him screaming at me to get out of a house I paid for half of with our child in my arms was the last straw. So when you ask me if I’m blaming it on him to stop myself from feeling low I can’t help but think of these things, of how even his mother warned me that he’d always been like that. And I can’t help but wonder what made you think I was feeling low? Or what made you think I ever took his visits away?

          I always welcome questions or comments but I’m an open book. So when you make assumptions about me keeping my daughter from him or not seeing the whole picture, I’m obviously going to give you the truth and the whole picture. I despise women who keep their children from the fathers if they’re not a risk to them, therefore I would never do that. But I appreciate your comments, truly. And I appreciate your questions. But somewhere along the line I think you misread what I said or what I think because parts of each of your comments have been way off base. I’m not sure what you read though either so maybe it was a piece from during the relationship or right after where I was really hurt. But thank you for your compliments! Please keep reading if you like it! Goodnight!

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          1. Im not saying that you are keeping her from him.. In no way! I of all people know that we as mothers value the relationships our children have.. Im happy for you and im happy that you have found this place to voice your experiences. Im glad that you keep trying with him, because of your daughter. That truly shows what a good mother you are trying to be. I in no way wanted to offend you, and if that is what you are interpreting. I am truly sorry for that. I am also sorry for all of the trouble that you have faced in life and I truly wish you the best of luck with the rest of it. Ive read a few of your blogs so it was pretty much a combination of everything.

            Again I am truly sorry for anything that may have offended you. I appreciate you being outright with me.
            Have a good day

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          2. Not at all! Not offended just moreso was like “Wait what did they read that made them think this because I didn’t write anything like that?” Lol. It’s all good! I really appreciate the comments. It’s always different when people comment on the intro instead of a specific post because then you’re never quite sure what they’re commenting on lol. But I appreciate your perspective. It’s just when it’s about things in my everyday life versus a random piece I wrote it hits close to home. It’s been a constant struggle with him with wanting us to have a healthy coparenting relationship and wanting him involved in her life without giving him the room to be a destructive force in my life. It’s all a balance. But she comes first, forever and always. So we do the best we can with the cards we’re dealt 🙂 And the same goes for the things I’ve experienced in my life, which is a much larger part of the subject matter of this blog: I just write about it to get it out of me and if I’m lucky maybe it helps someone else and I get to feel like it all happened for a reason. I’ve had so many experiences I figured they have to be for something lol but thank you for commenting! And you have a great day as well!

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        2. A little girl may need her father, but let me tell you something, could it ever occur that a parent could be so toxic in a relationship (any type) that they are no longer good for the child? There are a lot of potential father figures in any little girls world such as a grandfather, a best friend, a mentor, etc. I am not speaking of Ashley’s daughter or the father, but in a general sense. Let’s say the ego is now in control and tempers are flaring out of all cylinders in a parent (mother or father). Baby doesn’t eat as much because of a problem a parent may have in their belief system, baby doesn’t get the attention they need and craves stability but parent decides they want to look for external things to heal a wound that could never be healed through instant gratification. See, I grew up in a household just like that. A place where I was confused because I never saw daddy, and mommy was too distracted filling her vices. When was Daddy going to leave mommy? Never, because the mentality “stay for the children” was more damaging then it is deemed to be. Just try to challenge your thinking because when people get too attached to the idea “Blood is thicker than water”, they have another thing coming. Mother figures, father figures, friends, relatives, all replaceable. Because at the end of the day, the person who truly loves you and wants the best for you (then they want for themselves or their ego) will be the best person for you, regardless of what role they play in that persons life.

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  3. I just came across your posts and plan to continue reading. I also come from a family of addicts and understand it is a disease. My brother committed suicide and left his newly pregnant wife and 3 kids and unborn son alone to fend for themselves. My youngest daughter daughter age 24 and her boyfriend currently live with us and are addicted to heroin. Everyone says kick them out if they won’t quit! No one understands it is a disease! They have stolen everything I own and of course just say I’m sorry. I can at least sleep at night since they live here. Before they were on the streets and I never knew if they were dead or alive. I just want them to get help and quit but that is easier said than done. Keep writing! I can relate so well to what you say and your writings are beautiful!

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear how this disease has effected your life. It’s a terrible, insidious thing. People say to kick them out because why would would they get help when life is easier but that’s a choice only you can make. Some people have found that offering the home and support helped their children get better faster than when they took it away. To each their own. My heart is with you though and I pray they find recovery. In the meantime, get a safe, that bolts to the floor. Much love ❤️

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  4. Great intro, now I’m hooked and ‘have’ to follow your thoughts here. Get this: I’m from a large family of addicts: drugs, alcohol and sex – yet myself totally immune to any of it. Never smoked, never tried drugs (not even prescription – on the rare occasions I was given those I ditched them in the garbage), never was drunk, though I do enjoy a beer or a glass of wine with company. But my 6 siblings and my dad: all alcoholics, a couple drug addicts – all but two now recovered; my dad long dead. I don’t know what that says: I’m lucky? Yes, I am and I am thankful. My heart goes out to you but I can say this: never go back, no matter how terrible the temptation. You go back, just the once, and what was a hill becomes a mountain. I’ve been in the middle of it; still do from time to time, and it’s not fun.

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    1. No it’s not fun and I’m definitely never going back. Some people in my recovery group say you can’t say that but I disagree. I don’t say it because I think I’m immune now; I say it because I know I out the work in to not end up back there. I’ll have 3 years clean in 3 weeks and it’s staying that way. I’ve done a lot of work on myself and the desire to use never arises anymore. I have times where I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling but I just work through it, talk to the people I know who are like me, and keep it movin.

      You are lucky to have not ended up an addict. They’ve shown that it runs through families so you’re definitely blessed to be one of the few to have learned from their mistakes instead of your own. And it’s good you’re grateful for that. There’s no hell like a disease that convinces you you don’t have one. Thank you for the follow though! 🙂 I followed you back 🙂 Much Love ❤️ A

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  5. Hi, I just came across your blog via the community pool.
    Your reasons for writing are similar to mine, I also intend to create an income from it.
    I look forward to reading more, have a great day.
    Amy💕

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  6. Just discovered your page after someone posted your piece about the never ending addiction argument. I loved it and totally agree with your take. I’ve managed to stay clean and sober in a 12 step program for 7 years. It works foe ME but also know it’s not for everyone. I’ve stopped reading all the stuff out there and just stay out of the fight over what’s right and wrong. If it works for YOU just keep doing it. I’m tired of people dying and I’m sick of funerals. Keep spreading the word we need to all help each other not make the fight us versus them. I’m ready to read some of your other posts. Thanks, peace.

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    1. Thank you for your comment! I myself am coming up on 3 years clean, also because of a 12 step program. A program in which I completely believe in. But like my post said I don’t think that renders any other treatment option useless. I also agree that I’m sick of funerals. I wish I could live my life without hearing what a mother who’s lost her child sounds like, what her eyes look like. It’s a terrible thing. I’m just one voice but maybe, if we all speak out, one less person will die of this disease. And one person is the entire world to combine. Again, thank you for your comment. All feedback is greatly appreciated! Have a good one Joe 🙂

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