To the Woman who ALMOST Ruined my Best Friend’s Life…

Dear Home Wrecker,

    While it’s true that I will rarely condemn another woman for their actions and I never get involved in other people’s business, you have elicited a certain response from me with your actions. Simply put, what you did was so repulsive that you don’t deserve my silence (or anyone else’s for that matter).

    I know that once upon a time you were a friend to my best friend’s boyfriend. I’m sure he fed you many lies about her, much like he did the rest of the world. When they were young they decided to try for a baby, and eventually became pregnant. He got scared. He ran away. He left her high and dry, working 40+ hour weeks whilst in school full time, all in an attempt to create a future for their family. She busted her ass and broke her body building the life that you destroyed on your back. When he returned from his running away, she gave him another chance. She gave birth to their firstborn (a daughter) and 6 months later became pregnant with their son. I understand this is around the time you met him. According to you and your Facebook, you were a lesbian and he was just your “best friend”. Except, he already had a best friend of 14 years in her. Yet, you never initiated a friendship with her as you were one of the distractions that kept him away from his home and his family. You all the while feeling justified because he had painted her as this “crazy, clingy girlfriend”. You didn’t care that she had a family that was missing it’s father. Was it really so crazy for her to want the father of her children to actually help her raise them? Was she clingy for thinking that his family should come before his binge drinking and social life? I know, I know; “she never left him alone” right? That might’ve had something to do with the 5 other women she found out about after their second child was born though. Would you not, having given the father of your child and your family a second chance, have wanted to check in occasionally? You could try the Home Wrecker national anthem of “You can’t wreck a broken home” but, real women know what you’ve obviously missed. All real relationships take work and have flaws. However, good people don’t take advantage of those flaws. 

    Some might say she was stupid or naive for ever taking him back after he cheated. And maybe she was, somewhat (she was after all, still in her teen years). But this isn’t how she saw it. She had already known him for 14 years when you met him. She knew what he had the potential to be before you ever knew his name. She knew his deepest insecurities before you knew his favorite band. She loved him before you ever knew he existed. She had given him 2 children, thousands of dollars, every kind of support that exists, and a family before you ever showed up and claimed to be “the only one supporting him”. Did you think you were the only one he ever said that to? I heard him say the same words to her. Did he tell you he was miserable and you made him feel like he could breathe again? Did he tell you you were beautiful and send you dirty texts that made even the likes of you blush? When you fucked him did you realize you were condemning his children to the shame of knowing that their father betrayed their mother? Did you even care?

    We both know you only developed a relationship with her because you were dating her boyfriend’s best friend and he didn’t want the drama between you and her. Then when your boyfriend went to jail you started fucking hers. Did your boyfriend know you were fucking his best friend? You actually made her believe you were her friend. You listened to her pain about trying to maintain a relationship that had taken a lot of damage. You listened to her fears and insecurities. You let her tell you her secrets. You let her support you in return. Tell me, when you sat in her home, saw her relationship, played with their children, did your heart throb with envy? Did you wonder why you didn’t have what she sacrificed so much of herself to build? Did you think what she had gained through literal blood, sweat, and tears could be earned on your back? When he proposed to her after you had already slept with him did you think you were missing your chance to steal him? When you sought out and messaged her childhood friends about “being in love with a man who has a family” did you mention to them that “his family” was also hers? Did you think a baby would change everything? Maybe that’s why you went from being on birth control to magically becoming pregnant. I truly believe you planned every step of this. You played her. You told him all the fears she confided in you. You probably laughed at her expense and talked shit on her more times than you’ll ever admit to. Does it make you feel good about yourself to know you intentionally destroyed a 15 year friendship, a relationship, a family, and her children’s future? Do you still feel your actions are justified or okay in the harsh light of day?

    The fact that you finally came clean after lying to her face when she directly asked you if they baby was his does not give you the right to be self righteous now. You are not pardoned of your actions because you admitted to them in a text message. And her having the grace to be civil because you were carrying her children’s sibling does not mean she is required to take this lying down or silently. The fact that you had the audacity to chastise her for posting a select few, non-specific statuses about how heartbroken she was is disgusting. Has anyone told you that you are a disgrace to our gender and that you represent everything that is wrong with it yet? Because you are and do. Home wreckers like you make it hard for women like us to gain respect and be trusted. You walk into people’s lives, with your fire engine red hair (that she dyed), and your lack of morals and you rip families apart without so much as a single apology. You laid on your back, got used as a piece of meat by a treacherous man, and destroyed her family’s future. 

    When she dumped him for his infidelity did you honestly think he would be with you? Even after he begged you to abort the baby he never wanted? If so, you’re even dumber than you act. Did you honestly believe you could gain her hard earned life with one unwanted pregnancy? She gave him 2 children that he did want and he still fucked you didn’t he? Even after all this came to light she still had the grace and self respect to not slam you on Facebook or beat the piss out of you that you deserved. She agreed to be civil, she actually held conversations with you; for fucks sake, she drove him to Domestics for the child support you now want. She agreed to be civil with the woman who fucked the love of her life. Now you want to tell her that she has one year to decide whether or not to ruin her children’s lives with the truth you created? Who are you to put a timeline on something that will impact the rest of her family’s life? Obviously, I realize this will also impact your daughter’s life, but seeing as you created this entire situation and took her life and future into your hands, shouldn’t she be able to make this decision on her own time, whenever she is ready? 

    I’m not sure you even possess the emotional capacity to understand what damage you’ve caused. You have to be pretty cold to play with a woman’s child, in her home, while carrying her fiancées baby. But if you have any heart whatsoever, imagine this scene… Your little girl turns 11 or so, she gets home from school one day, tears streaming down her face. You ask her what’s wrong as your heart breaks from the pain in her cries. She tells you that “Jonny from school said you’re a whore that had sex with someone’s boyfriend and that’s where I came from. He’s lying right mommy?” And at that exact moment, you’ll have a choice to make. Do you lie to your own flesh and blood or do you tell her she is the product of the biggest mistake you ever made? Will you tell her that her conception was the single greatest betrayal another woman ever experinced? Will you feed her the same rationalizations you fed yourself and all your friends? Or will those shallow rationalizations suddenly sound as much like bullshit to you as they always have to us? Will you tell her that you destroyed a family, still in it’s infancy, to get what you wanted? Will you tell her you valued an orgasm over someone else’s entire future? Will you tell her you knew how much pain and hardship your past “friend” had endured and that you still actively chose to cause her more? Will you tell her you promised her father that you would abort her?

    When her first boyfriend cheats on her with another girl will you admit you identify more with the other girl than you do with your own daughter? Will you tell her that she shouldn’t shed a tear over him and that the girl “obviously wasn’t raised right and she should pray for her”? When she asks you how long you were with her father what will you say? That he fucked you for a night and then ran back to the woman he proposed to?

I doubt it. I doubt you’ll ever tell her the complete truth. Why? 

Because no one would ever want to admit to the filth that you are. Because even you wouldn’t be able to stand the look of outright disappointment and pain that would flash across her eyes before she can swallow it, along with the picture of who she thought her mother was. You’ll never admit the complete truth because it’s dirty, vile, and disgusting. And maybe because now that you have a daughter you can just begin to comprehend the damage you’ve caused and you won’t be able to stomach owning what you once acted so casually about. 

    You didn’t win. Your daughter deserves better than the story you’ve condemned her to. She deserves better than the wrongs you conceived her through. She deserves better than a mother who lacks morals and empathy. She deserves better than to be born to this fucked up situation. She deserves better, period. Maybe you’ll be a good parent, or even a half decent person, moving forward. Having children has changed many people’s lives. But this is a decision you can not erase. It’ll be years before you truly see all the consequences of your selfish actions. And while you’re living through the worst of it, the woman whose life you almost ruined, will have moved on. She will be fulfilled and happy. She will be with a better man than you’ll ever attract and her and her children will be better people than you ever were or will be. She will possess strength far greater than your selfishness and an internal beauty that dwarfs your “bad bitch” self in comparison. She will realize that you did her an enormous favor by helping her choose to remove the man she was settling for from her life. She will know that she has won because she will see that all that hard work, all the pain and anxiety, all the rebuilding of her life has made her strong. On this day, you will be nothing but the stupid girl who got knocked up by the father of her children and simultaneously became a single mom and the laughing stock of the Lehigh Valley. You will be nothing. She will be everything we all knew she always was. Even when scumbags like you did their best to break her. 

    Do you still think you’ve won? Do you still feel justified and good about your actions? Do you think you made the right choice?

         Sincerely,

               The Best Friend of the Woman                                           you wish you were 

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