Afternoon Kicks 

Feeling this life that’s cradled inside me, is the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be. Her squirms and her punches, she kicks and she lunges. I never could’ve imagined being this lucky. This life inside me is nothing short of a blessing. 

I never thought I would get to have kids and then she surprised me, so unexpected. Now I’ve been blessed to feel her movements, and nothing so little has ever felt so big. It’s truly mind blowing that this is my kid. 

I wait for it each day, for her to wake up, and with each little kick, I fall more in love. She’s literally a part of me and part of me can’t grasp that, cause years ago I truly believed, that I would never really have this. 

I remember being bitter, jealous of other moms. It always seemed they took for granted, this gift I prayed to love. But the timing wasn’t right, I took a “not yet” as a “no”, and now my heart bleeds for those who will never get to know. I remember that pain all too well; and on some nights, it creeps in still. It tells me I’ll lose her, that she isn’t mine to keep, so I hold my belly and pray to God, to keep her healthy. However, part of me honestly believes, that this gift wouldn’t be given, to then be retrieved. So I talk to her and sing to her and revel in her kicks, praying every single day, that she survives until she lives. 

I love you Bebe. 

by Ashley Hebner 

© All Rights Reserved 2016

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8 thoughts on “Afternoon Kicks 

  1. I am so excited! For you, for R, for the two of you as a couple, for Bug, for all of you as a family.
    But… I am mostly excited for ME!!!!
    I’m going to be a grandma!!!
    B and I are so happy for you!
    We will do everything in our power to teach her unconditional love, how to be strong yet gentle, honest yet kind and that she always has somewhere to “run away” to when you need a break.
    I give you my solemn vow that I will love her as I love you, that I will keep her safe from harm and that I won’t take any of her shit.
    I adore you, my beautiful daughter. The transformation from Maiden to Mother is a painful one, both physically and emotionally. I promise to be by your side (or at arm’s length, if you prefer) through it all.
    I am so grateful for you and overjoyed by your happiness!
    You are going to be a GREAT mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your post gave me goosebumps! I felt like that 8 years ago when I had my first baby. I was so panicked that I would never have children that I decided I would get pregnant with the man I didn’t love at all ( I was 19.)

    Now I know that I made the right choice by keeping her and raising her. I have raised her on my own, and although the road hasn’t been an easy one, I still fought. I find myself feeling that way again. Most mothers my age, 27, have two or three kids and I still have one. I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I feel like I’ll never be blessed with another one. I was feeling that way today and I read your post and it brought tears to my eyes.

    The good kind, so thank you, and I wish the best of luck to you and your little one! 😍❤️

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    1. Thank you 🙂 and I completely understand the idea of having a baby with the wrong person. I almost did that when I was younger but my fantastic (sarcasm) ovaries stopped that from happening lol. But it makes me all that much more grateful for this one. Maybe she’s all I’ll ever get but she’s more than enough for me and more than I ever expected to have. I hope you get to have our second though 🙂 maybe life just has its own timing planned for you like it did for me. You never know 😉 Personally, I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. That’s where my problems stemmed from. Then this little one happened. Currently she’s bouncing off the walls because I’m hungry and my stomachs grumbling lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome. ❤️ lol, I think you are right about life’s timing. I’m not exactly religious but I do believe that things happen for a good reason and at the right time . . I’m sorry to hear about your condition but I do believe that’s your miracle baby and you will be a wonderful mother! Love her unconditionally and give her lots of hugs and kisses from me! I love babies, lol. She sounds like she’s a happy baby and might be hungry haha ..

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        1. Definitely hungry and just happily kickin around in there 😍 and she will most definitely get lots of hugs and kisses 🙂 thank you for your kind words though. I agree everything has a time, place, and reason. I hope you get your second baby at the perfect time and with the perfect person 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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