Fuck The Rules

Since having my daughter I have discovered that there are more rules about how to raise your children than I ever thought possible. How to and to not feed them, when and what to feed them, how to “train” them to sleep, how to burp them, when to start the “cry it out” method (that’s if you’re not one of the “momsters” who think this is akin to child abuse). Everything in the world has been regulated, researched, and written within an inch of its life. It’s fucking ridiculous! So… my idea… is to fuck the rules..

Here is a non-comprehensive list of everything I do wrong as a mom; because, fuck the rules.  I mentioned “momsters” above; these are the women who are convinced they know everything about parenting, and have no problem telling you everything you’re doing wrong. They’re the people who deprive their children of syrup on their pancakes because “it’s messy”, the ones who get mad at kids for moving too much or making too much noise or you know, being kids. They are the all-seeing, all-knowing, helicopters moms of the blogosphere and world. They lie in wait, anticipating showering you with shame because you dared to be different or..*dun, dun, dun* an actual parent. Well momsters, this post is for you: take a Valium and a deep breath. I’m about to shit all over your world…

1. NEVER PROP THE BOTTLE

Lady, I can prop a bottle like a motherfuckin’ boss. Wanna know why? Because mama needs two hands and Bebe eats every 3 hours like she’s starving to death. I can hear the momsters now: “But you’ll drown your baby! She’ll die you monster!” Honey, let me tell you, if you’re child isn’t capable of turning her head to the side or spitting out a nipple with the same defiance she spits out her binkie, then that is Darwinism at work. I’m sure somewhere out there there’s some heartbreaking story about a mom who drowned her baby with a bottle but let’s be honest, it would be one of very few (and she probably “propped” with duct tape). I make sure to prop Bebe’s bottle with something soft, like a blanket, so if she turns her head even the slightest bit or tries to spit it out, it comes right out. The worst thing that happens is her shirt gets wet; and guess what? You can wash those. And I get to actually drink cup of coffee while it’s hot (shocker right?!).

2. NEVER GIVE BABY A BLANKET

Seriously? What is this, Auschwitz? I understand that your child can suffocate in a pile of blankets but it is possible to keep your child warm without that happening. Currently, Bebe sleeps in a rock and play because it’s still relatively flat but it’s angled enough to help her with her reflux and I’ve found a way to let her sleep with a blanket where it doesn’t end up piled on top of her perfect little face (sorry, mini mom gush). Before I put her in the rock and play I lay a small blanket down in the basket with a little bit hanging off the bottom edge. Then I place her in and fold the bit of blanket at the bottom up over her little body. It comes up to her nipples, keeps her warm, and doesn’t suffocate her. And guess what? Warm babies sleep longer bitches! Everybody wins!

3. CLEAN THE PACIFIER WITH…

The sheer amount of things sold for cleaning pacifiers is appalling. Pacifier spray, pacifier soap, pacifier wipes. Seriously? For generation upon generation my family has cleaned their pacifiers with two things: water and mouths. Where my germaphobes at? Are you dying yet? I bet you are you little hand sanitizer toting mother fucker, you. I watched my mom do it so many times… the binkie drops, she picks it up, pops it in her mouth, and then pops it in the baby’s. And you know what? Nothing bad has ever happened. Hell, probably builds up the immune system. Now don’t get me wrong; if i drop the nuk in a rest stop bathroom, I’m using soap. But the parents who go full throttle because it hit the counter in the kitchen or the carpet in the nursery need to fucking relax! I promise, your child will be okay. We ate dirt and drank out of garden hoses and we’re fine. Anymore these days the food we eat is giving us cancer and you’re worried about your baby’s binkie touching a floor that you clean more often than your underwear? Get your shit straight. Plus science says that exposure to the microbial environment benefits children in a multitude of ways including, but not limited to: reduced allergies, heightened immunity, and lowered occurences of eczema and asthma. Science wins. Period.

4. “SHHH… THE BABY’S SLEEPING!!”

NO! That’s a hard no. Do you know what happens when you make everyone tiptoe and whisper every time the baby’s sleeping? You end up with a baby who sleeps like shit. Yeah, good joke universe. I’ll be the first one to request everyone be a little quieter (i.e., not silent, but not screaming) when the baby has just fallen asleep and I’m trying to transfer her from my arms to her rock and play without waking her; but the rest of the time? It’s a normal noise level for my little one. I wanted to be able to do the dishes, listen to music, and walk normally when my child was sleeping so I did all those things while she was sleeping from the very beginning. From the day she came home we made the same amount of noise as we always had. As a result, my girl sleeps like a rock. As I typed that my mom rang the doorbell, causing her two golden retrievers to start barking like maniacs within 7 feet of my sleeping child’s head. She didn’t even flinch; and yes, her hearing is perfect. I’ve met children whose parents kept a silent household while they slept; and to this day, nap time and bedtime rule their households. They can’t have visitors, they can’t get chores done, they can’t talk at a normal level; their lives are controlled by an 8-20 pound tyrant with poor sleeping habits. My child is the light of my life but her sleep time is my free time and I’ll be goddamned if silence is a required part of that.

5. NEVER SAY “NO”!!

I actually read an article that said to never tell your child “no” because it’s “too harsh for your little prince/princess”. Are you fucking kidding me?! Now I can understand using more explanatory sentences such as “Please don’t do that or you may hurt yourself”; BUT sometimes a child needs to hear a quick, concrete “NO”. There seems to be this new-age parenting belief that telling your child “no” will make them lose faith and confidence in you and that it makes them feel as if their lives are limited. This is bullshit! I’m sorry but we were told “no” quite often as children and it made us respect our parents; not to mention, it sometimes when executed in a swift and sudden manner, saved our lives. The parent is the authority figure and no means no; not “I’ll give you ____________ if you do what you should be doing anyway”, and not “No until you whine so much that I cave.” No. There’s no reason you can’t explain the reason for the no after the child has stopped the undesirable behavior; but trying to calmly explain why a child should stop something when they’re neck-deep in it rarely works out. Stop the behavior, then explain.

Building your child’s respect in you takes time and it isn’t always easy but this watered down version of parenting that has become the norm today is not making our children better, smarter, or more confident. In fact, research has shown that children now are more cocky but have less actual self-esteem because they’re constantly told how amazing they are when they haven’t actually earned it and they aren’t given enough opportunities to build themselves up. Helicopter parents have stopped their children from trying things (like monkey bars or contact sports) that they could work at and succeed in, thereby creating real confidence in themselves. And momsters everywhere are demanding other parents raise their children how they do, in whatever way the latest fad demands; and more times than not, the only purpose this serves is to create even more entitled, bravado filled, demanding little brats. Sometimes you have to give and take with your child to get them to listen with the least amount of friction, I get that. But if we’re constantly bribing our children do what they should be doing in the first place then all we’re teaching them is that 1. They’re the ones really in control and 2. They deserve rewards for doing what they’re supposed to instead of something that requires an actual effort. And then we wonder why they’re so entitled? Jesus! My generation has traded in good old-fashioned parenting for bartering, bribing, begging, and conceding. So to that, I say FUCK NO. The better way is not always the easiest way; but it is what’s best for our kids and that is our fucking job: to do what’s best for our kids! I choose to parent my child in the way that I see fit, the way that works for us, regardless of what that article on parenting.com says is best. I believe in keeping my child safe, healthy, and loved. I also love her being happy; but it is my job to be her parent, not her friend (at least until she’s adult). And sometimes being a parent means that your child is not always happy. But if you do a good job, at least you won’t raise a raging doucehbag. I leave you with this..

“If you’ve never pissed your child off, you’re probably not doing your job.”

ashley thingy 2

by Ashley King

© All Rights Reserved 2017

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Fuck The Rules

  1. I agree with most things you said on this post. And you’re absolutely correct, no one should ever bully a mom into doing one thing or another. A mom should be able to freely choose what is best for her and her kids without being judged.
    But in some parts of your article, i think you are doing the exact same thing and deeming some mom’s misfit and will produce unsuccessful brats. I am guessing your baby is still a baby so u didnt reach that “negotiation” stage with your kid. Just like your asking people not to judge you, i think you shouldnt judge other moms too. We are all doing the best we can 🙂
    And yes just like you said, i wont allow a psychologist or parenting “expert” to bully me into accepting one parenting style or another. But i am also that parent who negotiates with her kids, gives them choices so they can learn to problem solve, and actually rewards them for doing a good job.

    Like

    1. My experience with negotiating definitely does not come from my newborn lol. That would be from my step daughter who will be 3 soon and many children I’ve cared for over the years. And like I said, I get having to negotiate sometimes but if it turns into not being able to get your child to do anything without giving them something, that is a problem (in my opinion, obviously). I just do not agree with children only listening to their parent when they’re being given something in return. I don’t feel like any actual respect is being built that way IF that’s the only method being used. There’s always going to be give and take; but at a certain point the parent is the parent, and the child is the child. And I don’t condemn any parent for their personal choices so long as they’re doing what’s best for their child. But I think most people can agree that there are certain things that are wholly not good for the child i.e., letting them be the one in control, beating them, not caring for their health and safety, allowing them to conduct themselves in an inappropriate manner, etc. Other than that, I don’t judge anyone for doing what works for them. But there’s a large difference between me not judging someone for choosing to use a different method/practice than I prefer and not agreeing with people who think it’s okay to allow their child: to treat others poorly, to feel entitled to the world, etc.

      I completely agree with you when you talk about giving kids choices, rewarding a good job, and even negotiating. I think I could’ve better explained myself as far as the negotiation goes but I was trying to keep this post from getting too long. My step daughter is a VERY picky eater, so we’ve oftentimes had to negotiate to get her to eat something other than pizza and chicken nuggets. You do what you have to. But I see a lot of parents now a days who NEVER just put their foot down. They bribe their child to get them to do anything; whether that be to get them to eat their vegetables, to stop screaming at the cashier in Target, or to stop throwing food across the restaurant. There has to be a line, otherwise you end up with a bratty, disrespectful child. I’ve seen some really terrible parents and I honestly don’t mean that in a judgmental, shitty way. I’m talking truly terrible parents or just parents who haven’t got a clue what to do with kids so they resort to methods that don’t really benefit the kids or themselves. But I’ll be the first one to offer them help, compassion, my experience (only if they want it), or just an ear to listen. It’s a hard world as it is. I don’t believe in making it any harder on anyone; so if I at all came across that way then I’m sorry, because I’ve definitely misrepresented myself somewhere! But thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply such a well thought out comment! I truly appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it’s insane. There’s nothing wrong with asking a parent if they’ve tried something or if they want any suggestions but there’s SO MANY pushy people out there. I’m obviously relaxed about some things that other parents are super strict about. And there are other things I’m very strict about that other parents don’t care about. But that’s what it’s all about- doing what we feel is right for our individual children. To each their own and good luck right? Haha

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Right before I became a dad there was only one piece of advice I really listened to. A friend told me that no matter how tired you are, how exhausted you are, how overwhelmed you are… when you go into that baby’s room at two in the morning because it’s crying, act super incredibly happy to see the child. Then they’ll know you’re always happy to see them. Everything else is open to interpretation and can be figured out as you go along.

    Like

    1. Agreed. I can’t always pull off “super, incredible happy” as I’m sometimes too deliriously tired to even know what that looks like lol but she always gets a smile and a “hey baby girl” ☺️. I never act miserable because really, I never am miserable. I love seeing her, I just wish I could see her at 9 instead of 4 lol. This morning she woke up at 4:47am WIDE awake and ready to play. I smiled whilst thinking “NOOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!?!?!” Lmao. Kids are great.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s