I remember standing on the ledge,
Staring at the road below,
I knew that I could never come back,
Once my body took this final blow.
At the tender age of thirteen,
Somehow I had reached this place,
Where throwing myself off a ledge,
Was a better choice than life I faced.
With a crackhead mother,
And a foster home I didn’t know,
I had lost the will to see tomorrow,
Or anywhere else my life could go.
It was one of those crisp fall days,
Where the air smells of leaves and fires burned,
And while my surroundings were quite exquisite,
There was something in me starting to turn.
I just couldn’t fucking do it anymore,
Live that life for one more day,
And so I stood on that ledge,
About to throw my life away.
I remember seeing everything,
As if it was the first time I’d ever seen it,
The colors were brighter, the smells were stronger,
Like nature was trying to give me reason.
Out of nowhere a thought occurred to me,
“If you take this leap, you let them win”,
And suddenly I couldn’t stand,
The thought of giving my life for them.
So I took one step back and two deep breaths,
Using a moment to compose myself,
And it was in that space, in that moment,
That I chose to give this life some hell.
So I made myself a promise,
One never to be broken,
That no matter what I would never give,
The one thing left I had control in.
I couldn’t always choose what happened,
Or where this life would lead,
But I could choose to live my life,
Instead of take that leap.
by Ashley Hebner
© All Rights Reserved 2016