Once upon a time I was sitting in a strip club when this belligerently drunk, 25ish year old, semi-attractive man came stumbling towards me and sat in the seat next to me. He said “Hi.” “Hello”, I replied. He proceeded to ask me if I had a boyfriend and if we ever fight. I did have a boyfriend at the time and we did fight. “Yes” and “Yes”. Out of nowhere he grabs my hands. This is about where I start wondering if this Bacardi sweating being is going to kiss me or try to take me on a date or what in the world is possibly going to come next. So I look at him. He points out that that’s the first time I actually looked him square in the eye since he sat down. Odd. He’s still holding my hands in his.
Then he says something I did not expect..
“Next time you fight with your boyfriend hold his hands. Look him in the eyes. No matter how upset, angry, or fed up you get don’t let go, don’t look away.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because when you’re holding someone’s hands, physically touching them, and you’re looking them right in the eyes it’s a lot harder to be mean to them. It stops the anger and the pain from speaking for you. It makes you get to the heart of what’s wrong without attacking him and getting distracted by or caught up in your emotions. It’ll make it really hard for you to yell at him instead of speaking calmly. It will help him not do the same. It makes everything better. THIS is how couples should fight. Always look each other in the eye and hold hands.”
“Wow. I never thought about that before.” I said.
The lights came on and the DJ boomed over the speakers that it was time for everyone to leave. The drunk man said “gotta go”, jumped up and ran off with his friends.
I haven’t always taken his advice,(meaning I only have once or twice) but I never forgot it either. And it can work if you actually do it and don’t let go.
Wisdom comes from the weirdest places.
by Ashley Hebner
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