I never liked the term “Step ______”. I had horrible experiences with step dads and therefore associated “step” with bad. I have an awesome set of step siblings. A twin boy and girl. They just weren’t enough to break down the association that their horrible father so kindly gifted me with. So as I venture into this new phase of life with my partner’s daughter, I don’t consider myself her step mother. For one, I’m not married to her father. Two, I don’t want anything about our relationship to be bad and there’s my whole thing with associating “step” relationships with “bad” relationships. And three, I just want to be someone who cares for her. Should she grow up and some day choose to refer to me in that way, I will have no problem with it. But I believe the choice is hers. I won’t assume that title for myself. I know what it’s like to have a step parent forced on you and I won’t be part of doing that to this little girl. I will be whatever she needs me to be. And for now, that’s just another person who loves her and cares for her. That’s my thoughts on that matter.
Aside from that, I do so enjoy the little schedule we’re making with her. When it gets close to bed we get her in her jammies and relax on the couch with a blankie and watch some TV. She’s a total snuggle bug. Last night Mulan II was the movie of choice. Then we put her in her sleep sack and go into the big comfy chair in her room. She has a book called “Goodnight Moon” that was her daddy’s when he was a boy and we read it to her every night. Generally 2 or 3 times. So she babbles her little baby versions of the book and points out the kittens and socks as he reads it once and then I read it once. On some nights he reads it again after me. Then he lies her down and she’s out within 2 minutes. Then in the morning I always wake up to her sitting on my bed with her daddy, staring at me like I’m a zombie from Night Of the Living Dead (I think she’s a little scared of me when I’m asleep). I wake up and she almost instantly starts repeating “eats, eats!!” which is her way of saying she’s hungry. So this morning I crawl out of bed, eyes half open, and stumble into the kitchen to make some pancakes. I soon discovered that I had enough Aunt Jemima mix (my favorite) to make her little mini pancakes and maybe one more and then some of a Bisquick box left for Ryan. I HATE BISQUICK! It cooks weird, it tastes weird. I don’t like it. So I make her little mini pancakes and sit her down in her high chair to eat, make one more small one for me, and then mix up some Bisquick for Ryan. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with that mix but the pancakes were weird. So weird he couldn’t even eat them (and he’ll eat anything). So needless to say, he ate Cinnamon Toast Eggo Waffles for breakfast.
Now they’re inside yelling at the TV together (which is adorable) as Ryan plays Call of Duty, I’m outside vaping and writing this and all is right with the world. I want to take her out and do something with her before we give her back to her mother today. Something fun and memorable. I can’t imagine how it must feel for Ryan to only see his daughter the entire weekend every other weekend and then for one day every “off” weekend. I’m going to miss her so much, so how must he feel? I hope her mother knows just how lucky she is to get to spend every day with this little girl. Whenever Ryan has Bug for the weekend she tells him that she misses their daughter terribly. How would she feel if he was the one who had her all the time and she only got a weekend here and there when he saw fit? I’m sure it would rip her heart out, much like it has his. Hopefully this new custody agreement will make (and keep) it more fair. It’s a hard thing and all we can do is ensure a smooth transition between two loving households. I can’t control what her mother does in her home but I can control how Bug is treated when she’s here; and that will always be with the utmost amount of love and care.
Well, my back is on fire from bending over typing this so I think it’s time to tie it up. Thank you everyone who made it to the end of this and read my random ramblings about my blended family life. I hope everyone has a great day. Go home and hug your babies 🙂
by Ashley Hebner
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