Ask Me Anything Monday

I’m going to try a few new things out here. Maybe some will participate and maybe this will sit untouched by anyone and be an epic failure lol. So here’s the plan:

I’m going to start doing this only two days a week: Monday and Tuesday. Here the idea…

Monday- Ask Me Anything. Nothing is off limits. It can be on any subject, from any perspective, and with any intention you wish. It can be as deep or as shallow as you can go. I’m a tattoo artist, a chronic pain sufferer, an abuse and rape survivor, a recovering addict, a female, a girlfriend, a daughter, and many other things. Your questions can be about any (or none) of the above. It can be completely random or targeted towards my specific experiences. Up to you 🙂 I will do my best to answer you as honestly and completely as possible. 

Tuesday- Tell Me Tuesdays. Tell me anything you’d like. Whether it’s a random fact, your story, a secret, or anything else you wish, it will be accepted with love, compassion, no judgement, and acceptance. 

So that’s the idea guys and being as it’s Monday, ask anything you wish. 🙂  

by Ashley Hebner (as always lol)

 

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29 thoughts on “Ask Me Anything Monday

  1. It’s not Monday but I don’t know if I can wait until next week. May I ask if there is a way to search wordpress? I see a search place on your page and I read about a search plug-in for one’s page, but I wonder if I’m stuck in a place where there isn’t a search box but just need to be shown the way.

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          1. I know on a phone you hit the reader button, then menu, and there’s the search bar. I’ll have to check my computer when I get home to see how to do it that way.

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    1. Right now me and my man are focused on starting a family and saving the money for a house. In 5 years I plan to be a wife and a mother, own my own home, and be working my way towards opening a couple of tattoo shops.

      Health wise, I’m getting to know the hematologists and rheumatologists in my area now. I’m going to continue to receive treatment from them and try any new therapies they throw my way that could ease my pain or better my quality of life. I’d like to start eating better too. That’s something I’m not good at. Also, QUIT SMOKING.

      Above all else, I want to be happy and at peace with 8 years clean, the man I love, and my babies.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Already asking you something on your home page; here is a different thing. What is it about ” judgement ” that seems to cast the word and the act in a dark light? As I watch last nights Oscar’s a half day after they were presented, I wonder if perhaps it’s a matter of balance or proportion that makes us judge “judging” as unacceptable; since ” judging ” leave us with one
    ” winner ” and what is often perceived as 7 “losers” in the best picture category or 5 ” losers” in the best actor/actress category?

    I, personally, like to be judged. Often it says more about those who are doing the judging than it says about me.
    In America our first amendment right allows us to say what we want. Often those words which we have the freedom to use are judgements or opinions depending on who is judging them.
    Just saying and asking….what is it about judging and judgement that turns people off?

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    1. I think that we react so negatively to “judgement” and “judging” because most of us have multiple experiences with being judged for things that shouldn’t necessarily be “judgeable”. I for instance, have no issues with someone judging the tattoos or writing I do because constructive criticism helps me grow as an artist and writer. However, when kids in school judged me as being “weird” as a child I didn’t like it, it hurt, and they had no true concept of what they were actually judging because they didn’t know me or my situation. I think this is a common theme with judgement. People pass it on people and situations that they only know parts of. They can’t get the complete picture and their opinion is therefore inaccurate.

      I believe THAT is at the heart of why most people dislike judgement. They attach negative connotations to it because of how it’s made them feel. They feel it’s UNFAIR and a lot of the time, it is.

      I personally pride myself on being VERY non-judgemental. I’m this way because I’ve had unfair judgement passed on me for so many things and also because I’ve seen situations in the past that I DID judge (prematurely) and then when I got all the facts it changed my opinion so drastically that I had no choice but to recognize that i can’t always pass said judgement accurately until I have all the facts and EVEN THEN I have to consider that just because I see, think of, or perceive a situation a certain way does not mean that you do and I am not ultimately in the right just because I think so.

      The phrase “nothing is that simple” comes to mind. There are SO MANY THINGS I could tell you that you would probably judge me negatively for, but if I gave you the complete picture it would probably change or expand your initial judgement.

      So that how I feel about PERSONALLY judging people. But as far as things like the Oscars, those artists knew they were opening themselves to constant judgement and criticism when they become an actor. Their performances are what we judge. Now if we judged their real character based off someone they played in a movie? That would be wrong. The rest is fair game though

      Most human beings have some need to be understood. When someone judges us and their opinion is different than our own we automatically assume that they are wrong and just “don’t understand”. Maybe that’s true. Sometimes it’s not and people are just different. All around, I think we benefit more as a whole if we try to get the complete picture before judging and if we say this judgement to the person, we should try to be more constructive and less critical.

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      1. I ” Liked ” you post which in a way is a judgement. There are aspects of it that I would like to have a discussion with you about some of you points. I also like that up until a day or so ago I was unaware of your existence. Then in this world that we live in at this time and space we have opportunities that never existed before. That can also be ” judged ” by some as good or bad. I think it’s both at the same time and depends in part on how one choose to see it.
        I noticed this about people in general; take for instance your comment:
        ” However, when kids in school judged me as being “weird” as a child I didn’t like it, it hurt, and they had no true concept of what they were actually judging because they didn’t know me or my situation”
        I can say that I truly understand and to some degree really mean it. That said allow me to refer back to the Lady Gaga song and say: ” Unless I’ve walked in your shoes ” I’m not sure I really DO understand.
        But I can tell you about my own experiences and we can examine together if they are similar. Not sure that even that would give me any cred to say that ” I KNOW what you
        mean “.
        It has been my observation that those people who show their vulnerability in some way, either stating that they do not like to be judged or perhaps showing it with emotional heart felt tears are usually the ones that get hit harder by the bullies who are looking for the weak spot to attack.
        When I was in High School and we were playing a football team from a very tough town; during the first play I ripped the football out of the kids hands at the bottom of a pile of players. He started freaking out and screaming: ” GIVE ME THAT F’N BALL BACK U F’N A’HOLE” and instead of getting hurt or giving him the football back I started screaming back at him: ” HOW TOLD YOU MY NAME??? ONLY MY FRIENDS CALL ME A F’N A’HOLE AND YOU AIN’T MY FRIEND SO SHUT THE F UP!!! Suddenly there was a pile of guys in football uniforms all laughing hysterically including the guy who I took the football from. None of the other players or coaches or refs could figure out what was so funny.
        Of course after we were all pulled apart a fight broke out but our team had the ball and my guys thought it was the funniest thing they ever heard.
        From that moment on anytime someone calls me a name, especially with hate and anger I say: ” Who told you my name “? and it’s like a shield in many ways and on many levels.
        Year’s later BTW there was a famous line in the series Breaking Bad When Walter establishes his badness by telling another bad guy: ” Now SAY MY NAME ! ” When I heard that line I thought about that pile of bodies and me screaming ” WHO TOLD YOU MY NAME! ”
        Can’t promise that this will work every time in ever circumstance but I can give you a long list of names I’ve been called and I own them all. It mostly disarms the bully who is TRYING to get under your skin.
        So judge away I say as long as I don’t let them see it getting to me and most of the time it doesn’t.
        That’s my 2 cents on the issue.

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        1. I’ve since learned how to deal with bullies but when I was 12 years old, raising my two siblings, and get the fuck beat out of me at home, they were the LEAST of my problems. But it sucked to not have one friend. When I hit 13 I got angry and started fighting back whether verbally or physically but even then I was still judged. Then I was “the addict”, “the fuck up” etc. because I like to smoke pot and was never in school. What they didn’t know is I wasn’t in school bc I was working full time and had my own place to pay for. When I was considered “weird” it was because I kept to myself and even if I did get a friend I specifically avoided having them come over cause my mom and whatever guy were always fucked up or fighting. I didn’t want anyone else exposed to it. I had one friend who knew it all and loved me anyway and her parents said she was only allowed around me if we were at her house. After her I gave up until I had my own place. That and I moved wayyyyy too much to establish standing relationships.

          As far as judging my posts, my body of work, anything I create, that I appreciate. It makes me better. I’m very good with constructive criticism so long as it’s not abusive and only aiming to serve the purpose of being destructive. As far as people judging me personally, I don’t care anymore. They can knock themselves out. I know who I am and I’m secure in it. Its one of those “Those who matter know me for who I truly am and those who don’t know me don’t matter” kind of thing.

          As far as relating situations in order to understand, I have NO ISSUE with that. That’s how I relate to the women I sponsor and people I help if I haven’t gone through what they’re talking to me about (while rare it does happen). There’s nothing wrong with saying “I went through something similar that made me feel this way” or “I went through something different but it made me feel the same”. That’s how we relate to people. It’s a tough subject to try to write out all the ways in which I think it is okay because everything is so situational and specific.

          The only times I’ve truly been offended by someone saying “I get it” was once when my ex roommate and I were talking about me being DEATHLY ILL, possibly having leukemia, and feeling like I should stay away from all my loved bombs because I “was basically a ticking time bomb” and she said “OH MY GOD! I completely understand how you feel! When I was diagnosed with bipolar I felt like my entire life was over.”

          1. She didn’t have bipolar at all and was never diagnosed. Even her mother called her out on that.
          2. She compared a mental illness that while being serious is NOT the same as possibly dying.
          3. She then proceeded to spend an hour talking about herself and making my illness all about her after she intentionally goaded me into telling her how I felt. It was insulting.

          Second time was when a girl compared getting her butt smacked by her boyfriend at the mall and “not liking it” to me being molested for 2 years as a 5 and 6 year old. Again, she has every right to feel the way she does about her experience but they are two very, very different monsters.

          In my humble opinion, THESE are situations that aren’t cool. Offering unsolicited advice is also looked down upon. I will normally hear it out unless it’s asinine and have no issue with it but when people act as if they “know it all” about a situation they’ve never come close to experiencing, it’s a bit infuriating. Not to mention disrespectful to the other person’s pain. So at the end of the day, it’s all semantics. But I’m more than willing to chat with you about my thoughts on it as long as you can deal with my book long comments lol. I have a very exacting nature. This leads to being long winded sometimes :/ lol.

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          1. Just so you know: I just wrote an email to my therapist saying that I have a lot to say but I know from those who are honest with me that as soon as they see in their email inbox that there is a letter from me they freak out because they automatically assume that it’s going to be a VERY LONG LETTER and often it is. Now a-day people don’t even like to add a greeting/salutation and certainly not a valediction. And the so called
            ” body of a letter ” has turned into an exercise in abbreviations, emojis, puns, plays on words, and exercises in minimalism. ( BTW a couple of my own latest ” Blog Posts ” are indeed exercises in minimalism that I kinda like. The one about what things are not is in fact a good example of an exercise for me in saying as much as I want with as few words as I can. It was one of those things that as soon as it was complete I knew it and posted it. We’ll see what I think about it as time goes by.

            No need to apologize about your replies being long. I actually love them that way and sadly my ability to communicate this to the person my shrink calls ” Your ‘ quasi ‘ GF ” only seems to get worse as time moves on. The more I ask her to write the less she writes. Maybe….hmmm MAYBE this is an example of what I was attempting to communicate to you earlier about showing people that you are vulnerable actually brings out the exact thing that you do not want nor like; however I’m just guessing now.

            Thanks for commenting at all. It’s nice to know that there is other Intelligent life out there in the Universe!

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          2. Hahaha I agree! It’s also a pleasure to talk to you! And get more than a 4 word answer. Im lucky in that my partner will answer me with long texts but I do still dwarf his in comparison sometimes lol (Example: when you send an iPhone text that’s so long it just becomes a small box with an arrow to open on a different page). I can get a little emoji happy sometimes but I don’t talk like that in this forum, only texting. That’s not the kind of writing I aim to do here (not that I have an issue with anyone who does).

            It’s funny you bring up trying to say as much as possible in the least amount of words possible because I myself have been trying to do this lately. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I get 2400 words in and think a silent “Shit. I did it again” haha.

            I’ll have to go check out your “What Things Are Not”(?) post!

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      1. Since I am new at this I’m not sure of the terms that I’ve used. I mentioned the Lady Gaga sound on your home page and then added something in a place called ” reader “. It seems that they are different in some way. Maybe you can enlighten me?

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        1. Hmm weird. They both showed up as a comment on my “Ask Me Anything” post. If you comment on my home page it’s as if you went to the “A Little Intro” page and commented below the “Intro”. I’ve only been at this for 3 months now so I’m still figuring shit out too but you’ll get it. If you have any questions I can maybe help you with, feel free to ask though! There’s also a lot of help articles on WordPress.org and the daily post

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  3. Timing is such an interesting thing especially when synchronicity is involved. On ask me anything Monday I found your page just as I sat down to watch last nights Oscars and Lady Gaga just started her performance of Til it happens to you.
    So perhaps it’s a good time to ask you if you say her performance and what you think of the message behind the song?
    I haven’t read much of your blog as of yet but I promise I will.
    Thank you for the opportunity to ask you anything.

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    1. Okay I’ve now watched it lol.

      Wow. It’s a very powerful performance and I think having other abuse survivors on the stage with her was moving; especially with the things written on their arms. I can tell she’s hurt but she’s also very angry. My guess is, because she’s probably hearing feedback from everyone, including from people who’ve never been in her shoes and she’s also being forced to stay in her contract with Sony (from what I’ve gathered) that’s she’s pretty angry and probably feels trapped. It can’t be easy to have one of the most painful things you’ve ever gone through commented on by everyone. That could frustrate/piss off anyone. Even if she chose to make it public herself.

      As far as the message behind the song, I’m half and half on what I think. Part of me believes/knows she’s right. No one can TRULY know how it feels to be abused or raped until it happens to them. It can be a very destructive thing or something you grow through. For me, it was both. I know that before I went through the things I went through I could have empathized, sympathized, and tried to understand but I never could’ve guessed how it REALLY felt.

      Now I’ve seen the loved ones of abuse survivors persecute her for saying they can’t get it. Why? Probably because they want to be able to because they love their survivor. But the fact remains, they can’t. But what everyone is missing (at least in my opinion) is that there’s NOTHING wrong with that. I don’t WANT my loved ones to know how it felt or what it did to me. I wouldn’t want anyone I know to feel that. And as far as them supporting me goes, them empathizing with me and offering their support IS ENOUGH. They don’t have to know what it’s like firsthand to help me. Matter of fact, some of the best advice and support I’ve gotten has come from people who haven’t been through it because of how destructive it can be to people it’s happened to. They’re tainted by their own reaction to their own pain.

      I think the anger behind her song makes it appear as if she’s mad at the people who say they get it but I don’t think that’s actually the case. I think she’s angry at what she’s going through. I think people who don’t get it saying they do is just adding onto the stress. We can’t know what people have said to her, some of it could’ve been horrible. “I haven’t been raped but I get it. You should just move past it and stop trying to find a way out of your contract.” I would be mad at that person too and I’m sure she’s heard that and worse. Survivors have already had so many things taken from them (ranging from their safety, sense of security, dignity, ability to say what is and isn’t okay to happen to their own body, to their happiness). It’s good to consider this when talking to a survivor. I appreciate it GREATLY when people start what they say with “I know I can’t understand but”. It’s a respect thing and shows compassion for the severity of the situation.

      I know this is a long answer but I did promise to be complete :). I think she’s just angry and it’s coming out in her music. I don’t think she’s trying to attack the loved ones of abuse/rape survivors. It was a powerful performance and hopefully will help her heal.

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      1. As soon as you said you ” think she’s angry ” I watched it again and I think I see what you mean. That said, I’m not sure it’s such a bad thing to be angry when singing certain songs. In fact towards the end of the song when she stood up and was still playing and singing I really felt it too and I thought it sold it to a point where the whole audience stood up and gave her one of the longest applause of the night.
        Later I saw Brie Larson hug every survivor on stage. Honestly it choked me up a little. Football players who ripe the football out of other players arms can be sensitive too!
        On the subject that the song is about; it bothers me that the conversation about the fact that this happens as much as it does and has become almost epidemic make ME ANGRY.
        ( maybe this is why I do not have a problem with Gaga coming off as angry while performing it ) Why can’t we have a serious discussion about this? I have some opinions and one of them has to do with a cultural shift in the USA.
        If any human being thinks that it’s the way it is NOW in our culture to impose their will on someone for any reason; IT’S WRONG.
        But I think we need to at some point examine the anatomy of an investigation. This is the part that I don’t have a clear answer about or for although I think it needs to be discussed in a way that allows those who have committed the acts to come forward and to admit, confess, talk about all aspects of what it was that gave them the idea that this was okay or maybe even cool to do.
        THEN, and this may be the hard part, find a way to not open curtain number 3 and expose the noose you’re going to hang them with. There is a fine line between giving someone a free pass because they admit that they raped someone and finding a way to stop the behavior because we’ve gotten the offenders to come forward.
        This is crazy and I don’t have a clue as to what might work, why it might work, what to do if it doesn’t work and how to figure out who is honestly repentant.
        Hate to mention this in the same breath as the other movie that actually won best picture but the sexual abuse in the Catholic Church has been a blight on society and the human race in the 20th century.
        Sadly we have so many ugly issues to deal with who knows where to start?

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        1. Yeah it’s brutal. Just to be clear, are you saying we should find a way to also get rapists and abusers to come forward without then hanging them so we can learn about what happens on the other side of the situation? I’m gonna share my opinion as if that’s what you meant but if I misunderstood just let me know 🙂

          If that is what you’re saying I can say this much: A lot of rapists, pedophiles, molesters, etc. HAVE been psychoanalyzed, given therapy, etc. If you google it, you’ll find it. It’s just that normally people won’t look for that.

          But if we start giving them “free passes” because they came forward then we risk turning an almost incurable (IMO), dangerous crowd of people loose. And that’s completely ignoring how the abused way feel that their attacker walked because he explained his thoughts and said “I’m sorry”. “I’m sorry” can’t give them back their safety, their dignity, their undamaged mind and body. Some of these men and women are sociopaths. They can make you believe they’re the most repentant people in the world. And then you let a monster loose and it happens again (or worse). The way we’re treating these abusers now isn’t all that bad. There are psychologists, psychiatrists, forensic psychiatrists, etc who have dedicated their entire life’s work to figuring out these people ONCE THEY’RE INCARCERATED. And there has been progress in treating them because of the information gained through past predators.

          But that touches on a whole other subject. Who’s “curable” and who’s not? I think the 15 year old boy who shoved his hand down a girls pants without permission could possibly get help and never do it again, but maybe not. I have a MUCH harder time believing that a serial rapist or a pedophile ever could. So many of these once “cured” people have been released from prison once believed to be better, and then either offended again or escalated to something much worse. I just don’t think it’s a risk we can take. But again, I also think it comes down to age, severity of the crime, a THOROUGH long term process of psychoanalysis, and maybe taking other preventative measures once released such as Megan’s law, GPS tracking ankle monitors, continued therapy etc.

          I will be the first one to say, I’m VERY BIASED on this matter. I don’t honestly believe that any of the specific people who’ve abused, raped, or even beaten me CAN get better. I think they’re fucked up for life. But I also know young men who made HUGE mistakes between 11-21 that I believe NEED help and can in fact be helped. Then there’s the whole issue of the abused becoming the abuser. A lot of rapists and pedophiles were also assaulted as kids or young men/women. But that doesn’t make the damage they caused any less. It’s a horrible, hard topic to even have to discuss. It becomes even more difficult when you go beyond “Fuck them all. Lock them up” and start talking about some of their histories or possible alternate methods of treatment. I haven’t honestly done enough research into what they do for treatment of pedophiles and rapists to be able to make an opinion about it and even then I’m smart enough to know that I would probably still be very biased. I can’t help it. But I also have someone I love dearly who made a mistake as a 13 year old. A GRAVE mistake that really hurt two young kids and I truly BELIEVE it was a product of abuse he suffered and that he can get better. So this WHOLE opinion of mine is painted with bias.

          All I can really say is I believe age and severity of crime are HUGE factors in how possible it is to “treat” and “cure” sex offenders.

          Also I agree Gaga has every fucking right to be angry and I don’t see a problem with it. But others do. That’s on them. I don’t agree.

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          1. No, I’m not talking about a free pass to anyone who comes forward and confesses but as fate would have it I was watching a few scenes from the movie Spotlight the other day and the scene was so telling to me…. I want to watch it with remote in hand, Closed Caption ON, and a pad and pen near by ; keep my mind open in hopes of learning something that I never thought much of before but now feel that I have a responsibility to know as much as I can about this horrible subject that is a part of history in our life time…
            In the preview, a female reporter was asking a priest who had already admitted that he was an offender, if he would talk about ” the rape of these boys ” he quickly wanted to correct her with mumbo jumbo about what things were and what they weren’t. I think this is what I was trying to say in my reply to you. If offenders learn how to re-VIEW their crimes then to them they do not seem so sinful. But how can we the public know about any of this if we do not allow them to speak without promising to execute or castrate them for their crimes. It’s not an easy thing to do but how will we ever know what happened if the perps do not tell the truth about what they were thinking.
            I can not tell you what I think will work or what won’t work or what should be done after we hear the about the crime.
            I did something in college that I wasn’t proud of and many years later when I found the person and called her to apologize she seemed less upset about it than I was. That said I wanted to say I was sorry and from the deepest parts of my soul I really was sorry and I knew that it never happened again nor would it ever happen again.
            It didn’t have to do with what we have been talking about now, but it did have to do with talking responsibility for getting her pregnant, paying for all medical expenses, but then leaving town so not to deal with any possible consequences afterwards.
            Interestingly enough this too is the subject of a current TV show. The girl get’s pregnant on purpose ( she planned the whole thing ) the kid was going to be responsible but his parents made him move away.
            And I think this is my point. How do our parents, family, and friends often enable us to do the wrong things?
            I think it’s an important subject. How do we get to know? How do we hear the whole story if people are afraid to talk about it? It’s not an easy subject to start with and now we need to figure out how to obtain all of the facts.
            I hope this came out right…it’s not easy to talk about and I also think that there may be more people on both sides of the discussion who are closed down and afraid to tell anyone anything. I think the whole truth needs to be heard.
            Does this make sense to you?

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          2. It does make sense and I get what you’re saying. I just don’t think it’s an option to not prosecute. There are a lot of first hand accounts from the perspective of the offender though. It’s just NOT what they show on tv because so many people find it offensive but if you google it and do your research you’ll find a lot of information on it.

            This is a small amount I found while at work

            http://m.wlwt.com/news/-Blue-Eyed-Rapist-talks-about-his-crimes/18498008

            http://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2015/01/confessions-of-a-serial-rapist/
            This is interesting and I think even real.

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      2. I’m not sure that I’m replying to the post you left with the links. I watched one so far; the blue eyed rapist one.

        Once again it is interesting to me the similarity that I see/hear in a lot of these stories. As I mentioned the other day about watching the Spotlight interview and finding that the priest did not want to use nor did he agree with the word that the interviewer used seems to follow a similar path with the guy in the interview that you sent for me to watch. The interviewer says : ” he never uses the word ‘rape’ ” Perhaps that might be in part why the crimes take place???

        I do want to be clear about one thing that I experienced over the years and it is fundamentally about ” communication ” more so than about this subject of sexual assault although I’m seeing a possible connection. This is my theory:
        If a person calls an act, or a thing, by a different name than the majority of people, then perhaps to them the word or the act is not as “wrong” as society and or the majority of people say it is and certainly believe it is. Once again I think it’s best to qualify that by saying in no way shape or form am I saying that this excuses them but instead it might give us all a better understanding to how and why it happens.

        We all have stories. Some of the stories are first hand accounts. Some of the stories are stories we heard other people tell. In both cases it is fairly well known that time plays a part in the retelling; even the first hand accounts.

        Yesterday while riding home from the doctor’s office I turned on All Things Considered on NPR. The moment the radio went on there was an interview with a female who is involved in government in some capacity. She was being asked: ” How long did it take for you to come forward about the details of the rape ” I thought once again about the synchronicity of this: leaving my house and writing to you about this subject, then turning on the radio 3 hours later and the subject was exactly what we are talking about here.

        The woman gave her reasons why it took heer 25 years to come out with the details of her story. It was interesting to hear her account and her reasons. But what jumped into my mind was your comment the other day about Lady Gaga being ” angry “. What came across the radio to me was what sounded like anger and I believe from what she said she will never let it go.

        Is it a judgement if I ask ” how will that help her or better yet how will that serve her, her family and friends, and others including and in particular other victims?”
        Maybe it will serve everyone best if she remains angry until the day she dies. But is it not possible that if she can find a way to let go of the anger AND continue to fight for victim’s rights that it might be better for everyone? I’m asking ” might “?
        Can you see how easy it can be to judge me for saying it? In fact if you can find the interview ( I will look for it also and if I find it I will post it here ) you will hear her say this: ” No one can ever walk in my shoes. No one will ever know how it effected me….” and so on. I can agree with her on these grounds:
        “As long as you say so then that is what it is.” I wonder if that is the only option for her and also wonder if another option is possible and makes many things better if choosing that 2nd option might not serve a greater good to all?

        And BTW if I gave the impression that I’m against prosecution I apologize. That was never what I meant to say nor to imply.

        As I sometimes say to friends of mine who talk about forgiveness and may remind me about the Jesus story; I say to them: ” I get it but I also know that I am not that evolved yet”

        Has this advanced the discussion and our understanding of each other? I’m open to and often welcome judgements about my thoughts and comments. I do like to know my opinions are understand and subject to change if new light comes to the subject.

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        1. It’s hard to follow everything you stated above because parts of it are referencing a radio show I haven’t heard. But as far as the woman’s anger: it’s a double edged sword. It helps and it hurts.

          It helps because sometimes it is FAR EASIER for the abused to be angry than it is so be hurt or vulnerable or afraid. Anger is seen as a “safe” emotion by most human beings. So it could serve to protect her psyche from the underlying pain, fear, and possible guilt or shame she may hold.

          On the other hand, anger can turn into a sickness that could make her bitter, defensive when it’s not necessary and all around an angry person that struggles to hold relationships, manage her temper, etc. What edge of the sword she ends up on is up to her and her alone. It would absolutely serve her better to heal from what’s happened and try to use it to help other people though.

          As far as the rapists: I think even for them “rape” is a bad word. Maybe not for all of them, but at least for some. As human beings, when we do something immensely fucked up 9/10 times we resort to rationalization and justification to excuse our actions. “It wasn’t rape cause she didn’t report it”, “it wasn’t rape, she was hitting on me until I tried to fuck her”, “it wasn’t rape, did you see what she was wearing”, “it wasn’t rape because….. Well I’m just not that kind of person”. The one kid I watched an interview of literally said that and when the interviewer asked him what he meant he said “idk how to explain it. I guess people would just have to hang out with me.” I think a lot of these people are just trying to rationalize or justify what they’ve done. It’s very hard to look at the hard mistakes we’ve made. Even for abusers I think.

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