Pain & Strength

   If strength was a being who would it be? A quiet person with morals? Or a soldier who’s fighting? Does it wage brutal wars? Or stoke the calm flame? Is it a way to survive? Or just a pawn in the game?

   Is it a silent man, who endures straight-faced? Or a screaming woman, boiling over with rage? Is strength attempting to keep the pain in one place? Or is it the words that I pour on this page? Is it silent and steadfast or not built to last? Does it live in your heart or come from your past? Does it stay with you forever, always in the background? Or does it dissipate, like the dew on hot ground?

Is it something you’re born with? Or another thing to gain? Is it constant and present? Or brought on by pain? It’s one of those things with so many sayings. Lyrics and quotes, given free with no paying. With pain comes strength or the tendency to break, it’s safe to say we all need it some days. But what if you don’t have it? Do you wither away? Or is there a piece to the picture that nobody’s saying?

I was lucky enough to be quite resilient. Coupled with strength, it’s a mixture of brilliance. These things ensured my continued existence, my drive to survive was of a thing of persistence. But as I grew up the question asked itself; was I born like this, or did I gain it through hell? Could my luck run out? Or was it made to last? Cause god knows my pain isn’t just in the past.

I had always assumed my strength was born of the struggle. Till one day my love suggested another. He said strength is innate, not something you gain. That the pain didn’t make it, it was already made. And I tend to believe him as we’re two of the same.

We have two different stories, mine riddled with trauma. And while his is rough, there’s not so much drama. Sure he has pain, just like everyone else; but our pasts so are different, except how they felt. So if we have two different histories, one “less bad” than the next, then how can he have the same strength I possess?

I can only guess that this strength is innate, built into us, right from the gate.

But then what do we say, of the people who possess no strength? Are they doomed to fail, to crumble in pain? Or is there a way to survive that’s yet to be seen? Too many questions to cover in a day. But at least if we ask, there’s something to gain.

We all have to hold these painful burdens, and pain always demands to be heard of. So we talk about it, scream, and pour it on a page. Everyone has to find their own way. Some people turn to drugs, cutting, or sex, pain always brings out the worst in them. At the end of the day, it demands to be felt. How you deal, is up to yourself. Cause see pain and strength are forever entangled, without feeling one, the other’s a stranger. Two peas in a pod, two sides of the coin, this all leads to the same viewpoint.

No matter what, pain’s always felt and strength is what helps you not destroy yourself.

by Ashley Hebner

© All Rights Reserved 2016

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