Fucking Starbucks Blogging

I have never felt like more of a basic white girl in my life. I really wanted a Caramel Macchiato (don’t judge me), so I came to Starbucks. Since it’s such a beautiful day I brought my laptop with me because I was planning on going somewhere outside and writing. But, it got a little too chilly for my Fibro having ass so I decided to sit down and write inside the Starbucks instead. Here’s the problems with this:

  1. The barista dude put so much caramel in my drink that I literally can’t drink it. Yes, I asked for extra caramel but I told him I wanted roughly an inch in the bottom, he gave me 3. So now the delectable caramel sauce is causing a fucking traffic jam in my straw and I’m irritated. Don’t take a skinny white bitches espresso away.
  2. This place is packed!!! There are two young college girls next to me talking about the media’s effect on our society, a guy directly in front of me writing some kind of paper, two students to the left doing homework, an old lady falling asleep in the far corner (the irony of that is not lost on me), and lastly, a young man playing Angry Birds on his tablet. Aside from these fine specimens, there’s a swarm of people constantly circulating in and out. It’s hard to focus with so many opportunities to people watch around me.
  3. The music sucks monkey balls. I mean massive, hairy, middle of summer sweaty monkey balls.
  4. I look like a nut job trying to blow the caramel out of my straw.

Aside from all that mess, I’m just generally in the mood to write. Not about anything specific, just write. It’s pretty rare that I write about my day without it being from a third person perspective in a poem or a general piece that isn’t written as being personal to me. That’s just my style I guess. But today is different. I have a day off (from the new job, which I love) and I just can’t seem to get away from this laptop. Even now that I don’t have anything in particular to say.

So what to write about WordPress? Should I talk about how the students to the left are reminding me how much I absolutely loathed school? No, that’s not even remotely interesting. I went to over 16 different schools, was always the new kid, and I kept to myself because people couldn’t know what was happening within the walls of my home. Needless to say, this does not make for a sociable kid or positive school experiences. So that subject’s out.

I got a new cup 🙂 Dumped my drink into it leaving half the caramel in the old cup and I can now actually enjoy my drink. I’m a fucking MacGyver.

Should we talk about something controversial? I love controversial shit. Mostly because it inspires intellectual debate (which I’m a huge fan of). But also because I’m a  bit of a drama queen (my mommy is going to love reading that admission). Let’s see, what’s controversial? Abortion? Race issues? Ooohh…religion? No? How about drugs? Eh, we do that all the time. I’ve had enough of drugs for today. Maybe gender equality? A worthy topic, but I’m already working on another piece about that.

How about we talk about the reason any of these things are controversial topics to start with? Truly, I don’t get it. It seems to me that if we all just aimed to be good people and enforced good ways of living, laws, and standards then everything would be okay. But it’s never that simple is it? No it’s not; because my idea of “good” and your idea of “good” have the ability to be two completely different things.

That is where all controversy is born.

In people’s differences of opinion. What’s perfectly acceptable to one is utterly offensive to another. What’s “good” to me is immoral and wrong to you. We’re all so completely unique. Yet we live in a world that wants to argue, regulate, and normalize every kind of thing you could imagine. From abortion to taxes to marriage equality. Take for instance all of these companies that want the right to not pay for a single woman’s birth control because “it’s against their religious beliefs”. Here’s my question… they hired the woman to work for their company but her reproductive system choices aren’t okay with them? What do they care? They’re probably paying for at least 5 different addict’s pain killer addictions too, if not 20+. What she does with the insurance they provided her with after choosing to hire her is frankly, none of their business. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I’m rambling.

I just think we’ve stuck our noses in too many places they don’t belong. Why can’t the rule of thumb be “live and let live”? The world would be a better place if we conducted ourselves this way. My right to marry a woman I love, as another women, is not a legal issue, it’s a personal one. As is my right to get an abortion or not, practice the religion of my choice and many, many, many other things. Speaking of religion, it should not have a say in our laws or our bodies. We have a constitutional right to freedom of religion or lack thereof. So why is someone else’s God being used to justify proposed laws that will apply to everyone?  You’re God is not my God. Your religion is not my religion. We have to stop attempting to govern people’s freedom to choose things for themselves. Sure there are some things that we do need laws for (not killing people, not raping people, etc.) but we’re in a day and age where everything is being argued and regulated to death. It isn’t productive or healthy. Things that need attention (like homeless veterans) are being ignored while stuff like marriage equality is put in the spotlight. Why did we even argue about that? It should be a human right to love who we want and therefore marry who we want; so long as they’re over 18 and human. Who I marry doesn’t effect you; so why are we arguing it when millions of vets who fought and died to keep us safe are sleeping on sidewalks in the freezing cold? I mean really, what the fuck?

Okay I went on a rant there and I’m going to do the real asshole thing now and just end it here because I have to leave Starbucks for a meeting. So, bye Felicia!

……..I ended up talking about abortion and religion anyway, didn’t I? Fuck.

by Ashley Hebner

© All Rights Reserved 2016

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7 thoughts on “Fucking Starbucks Blogging

  1. After reading over this post just now (because I didn’t have the time to when I ran out of Starbucks to go to the meeting) I can definitely see why you’re head thought “caffeine and sugar”. There are ferrets on crystal meth who can hold a train of thought longer than I did in this post lmao. It’s a complete and utter mess! Lol. Fuck it. It is what it is.

    Like

  2. Yes, I saw your admission. ;o)
    I don’t know if it’s your caffeine and sugar intake while writing, or I just read that post with your “caffeine and sugar” voice in my head. Either way, I can’t stop smiling. I am very very proud of you. Whether you are being funny, sarcastic, cuntish, or heartbreaking, you bring the reader on that journey with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha I love you mommy. Largely because of you being my mommy and being fucking epic… But also because you just used “cuntish” in a sentence. Annnddd I just rhymed lol. I had A LOT of caffeine today lol

      Like

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