Morning Mindfulness

Gratitude lists. Something addicts use a lot in the early (and really all) stages of recovery. Help the recovering addict see all the good in their life so they can learn to be more positive and stop focusing on the negative. So this morning is going to be a gratitude list, as I do have a lot to be grateful for. 

  1. Good coffee

There is nothing for me like starting my days with a hot cup(s) of coffee. Helps warm up my stiff body and get me moving. Mornings are hard for me because of the pain and this is my consolation prize for getting out of bed and adulting today. 

     2.  Writing

The ability to sit down and put my thoughts on paper or in a phone/laptop has truly saved my life. It’s given me a way to express myself, to feel like people are reading these words and feeling the way I felt when I wrote them or experienced whatever the subject of the piece is. It puts everything in perspective, calms me down, helps me breathe on bad days, and heals wounds that years of therapy never could. 

     3.  My loved ones 

I’m truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I have a foster mom (mommy) who saved my life and helped mold me into the good woman I am today. There are years I wouldn’t have survived without her. I have best friends who keep my secrets, listen to me rant, dance like crackheads in the car with me, and don’t ever betray me. I have an amazing partner. His gentle love has allowed me to continue to grow, to look at some of the defects I have in relationships and work on them. He doesn’t just want to be with “the tough woman who’s been through hell”. He also supports the “damaged girl that that past caused”. I spent a lot of years with people being attracted to my strength and resiliency, appalled by my story, and wanting to know more and get closer to me, like it was a contest. But then when they learned that my strength and resiliency came from a life that has a lot of weight to it, it wasn’t fun anymore. Surviving what I have is all “cool” until you wake someone up screaming from a nightmare. It’s “cool” until I start freaking out because everything is good and it makes me wonder when it’s all going to go bad. It’s all fun and games, until it gets real. Ry gets this about me. When we got our place and settled in I hit a point where I had adjusted and all was well. Then I had a rough week about some stuff that had happened in the past. It just crept up on me and made me short tempered and on edge. I apologized after a few days and he said “It’s okay baby. I figured this would happen.” I asked what he meant; to which he replied, “You’re a survivor. I knew once we got this place and your life had slowed down and you were safe that some of the things you just survived through would catch up with you and take their toll. I’m here for you.” I was literally speechless. And that doesn’t happen to me lol. But I was so amazed that this man 1. Understood me well enough to know that was going to happen and 2. Chose to be with me and move in with me anyway. He’s a special man and I’m blessed to have his love, support, and light in my life. 

     4.  THIS JOB

If you’ve been reading my posts then you know I’ve been looking for a good paying job that fits me for awhile now. My last two jobs my bosses were either abusive or just shitty and it created a hostile work environment. Then through my recovery program I was recommended to do a 1 week temp job. I killed it and did my best and at the end found out he actually wanted someone full time at some point in the future. Turns out, “some point in the future” was the day after my last shift when he called me and asked me to come in. I went in and he offered me the job. It took actual effort to not burst out smiling like a jack in the box in front of him. I’ve waited and worked for years to get a job like this. If you do the next right thing, it comes around. 

     5.  The weather turning 

The cold and this rain put me in a lot of pain. But at least it’s warning up. Opening my front door and feeling the warming air makes me happy inside. There’s no other way to put it. The spring and summer bring me peace, less pain, and much better moods. I love them. My favorite thing is driving during the summer, all windows down, hair whopping in the wind, jamming out to some Excision or ZZ Ward. I smile even thinking about it. Just a few months and I’ll be there. 

     6. My WordPress Readers

Y’all have supported me, congratulated me on personal triumphs and jobs, and given me feedback on my writing. I’m so grateful for this. I never imagined when I started this journey 2 months ago that anyone would be reading my stuff this soon. To top it off, y’all have been nothing but loving and supportive. Thank you so much. 

That’s all for today. I have to go shower and get ready for work (Wish me luck!!) 

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