The Controversy Chronicles Part 1: The Gay Topic

I’m on a mission, readers. I’m currently sick as a dog and therefore have spent all day wallowing in self pity and tissues, whilst reading different News articles, Facebook posts, and WordPress pieces. There is so much bad shit happening in the world today. It is truly impossible to put in all into words in this one piece because well, you wouldn’t read it once you noticed it was 50,000 words long. So I’m going to attempt to make a few posts about issues that are near and dear to my heart. So please try to understand now that if I get fired up or sound slightly offensive it’s because I’m so passionate about these issues. We’ve really fallen apart as a country. Our government is corrupt (at best), our citizens are less educated and more opinionated, we’re judgmental and sometimes cruel, and we’re all fighting with each other like rabid dogs going for the last bone. Everything comes back to political disagreements, race issues, gender issues, or some other subject that separates us from each other. I know all of these things are important and I personally have my own opinions on most of them which I’ll write about here. The way these issues are “talked about” today is appalling and counterproductive. I’m sick and tired of watching the efforts that are supposed to move us forward as a people end up becoming the things that are tearing us apart and subsequently, holding us back. We’ve all become hyper defensive, out for ourselves, and so solidly convinced that any viewpoint other than our own is wrong that we’ve completely stopped listening to each other. We only listen to whatever view is presented to us long enough to form an opinion and argument and then cut the person off (so as to argue with them) before we even hear their entire point. IT’S INSANE! How can we expect to move forward as a nation and as individual people if we never challenge what we believe by considering the opinions of others? How can we expect to change the course of our future if we can’t stop arguing like children long enough to actually achieve anything? How can we become a better whole when we’re too busy ripping each other apart at the seams? We are killing ourselves and in turn, our country.

   Let’s talk about Gay Rights; or as I like to refer to them: human rights. Let me just say now that I’ve been a bisexual woman for as long as I can remember. If you don’t like that then kindly, fuck off. The rest of this post will be from my own perspective as a bi woman (obviously). Now, for those of you who haven’t hit the back button yet: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING? First off, I thought separation of church and state was I don’t know, a real thing? So why are religious beliefs defining laws? Second off, for those of you who don’t support homosexuality or marriage equality, let me ask you this: What’s it matter to you? That man marrying the love of his life (who is also a man) doesn’t mean you’re gay. It doesn’t mean you have to like it. You don’t even have to support it. Frankly, its none of your fucking business anyway. So why do you even care? You don’t like gays? Great, don’t be gay. It’s that simple. You thinking that your personal opinions should define the laws of our entire country is not only incredibly self-centered and repulsive, it’s outright narcissistic. How would you feel if a gay man or woman walked into your life and took away your ability to marry (or stay married to) someone of the opposite gender? No shared health coverage, no marriage certificate, constant ridicule for displaying affection in public, and copious amounts of blatant disgust at the fact that you would dare go against their beliefs. Seems insane doesn’t it? Well here’s a hint: when you do the exact same thing it seems just as insane. This is where most anti- gay individuals would bring up God. Please, show me where in the Holy Bible that it says that you get to pass judgment and express ridicule to those who differ from you, or the “Word of God”? Because last I checked it said to “Love thy neighbor”, and “Judge not, lest you be judged”. Seems your God wants us all to love each other. You don’t go around condemning pork and crustacean eaters too, do you? I somehow doubt it. I’m ranting a little now. My point is, what I do in the privacy of my own home, who I choose to marry, and how or who I love is none of your fucking business. Apply your religious beliefs to your own life. Live by your own code of conduct and allow me to live by mine. While you may think I’m going to hell because I like men and women, that still does not make it any of your business. I happen to believe that you have a right to your religious freedom, much like the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution says you do. I believe that you have a right to live your life as you see fit. I believe you have the right to believe whatever you damn well please. However, I do not believe that you have the right to shove those things down my throat. Just as I don’t shove mine down yours. I simply vent them in posts like this, in hopes that at least one person will read it and consider a perspective other than their own.

   Why must we express our beliefs in such a hateful and close-minded manner? If gay/bi/trans people aren’t fighting to illegalize or stop heterosexual marriages then why are straight people fighting to end gay marriage? The LGBT community lets you live your life in peace. Why aren’t they afforded the same courtesy? Now I know that Gay Marriage is legal today but there are still articles everyday about another person or place refusing to perform the ceremonies or take part in the process in any way. That’s a tough issue. People everywhere have the right to refuse service to whomever they please but, what is the difference then between them refusing to serve a black person because they’re black and a gay couple because they’re gay? There isn’t one! The people doing this are just like the people who posted “No Blacks Allowed” signs outside of their businesses in the 60’s. They are discriminating against a type of person because they either don’t like them and/or don’t agree with them in one way or another. To the ones refusing to marry homosexual couples: do you realize how stupid you’re going to look 50 years from now? Do you want to be the guy holding up the “No Gays Allowed” sign in future history books while the kids in the classroom talk about what a prejudiced asshole you were? I sure hope not.

same love macklemore

   Here’s the thing: We don’t want you to run through town naked with the gay pride flag painted on your ass cheeks. We don’t want you to start sleeping with people of the same gender. We don’t want you to renounce your religious beliefs. We don’t even want you to say you like us or accept us. We just want to be treated fairly and equally, just as you are. We want to exercise our right to the pursuit of happiness. We want to kiss the people we love without someone approaching us to tell us that “we’re spitting in the Face of God”. We want to live our lives, freely and in peace, with the people we love. I pray that the hateful people who burn down gay bars and refuse homosexual couples marriage certificates never have a gay child. Yes, I realize that’s the opposite of what most people say. But I would never wish the pain and ridicule gay/bi/trans people go through on an innocent child; especially not at the hands of their parent(s), the only ones  who are supposed to love them unconditionally. That parent would then either have to change their views because they now love the kind of person they once hated or they will inevitably cause that child irreparable damage by raising them in a stifling, unaccepting environment. It’s an unfortunate fact that kids go through this everyday. They’ve been subjected to horrible “therapies” meant to cure them, felt dislike or disgust by a parent whose approval they so desperately wanted, endured beatings and/or long talks that are meant to “change them ” or “straighten them out”, and have ended up homeless from being kicked out when they came out or were found out. It’s disgusting. Who treats their own child like that? Not even dogs.

   When I told my biological mother that I was bi she looked me straight in the eyes (while high on crack) and said “That’s a blasphemy to God, Ashley”. To which I replied, “So is smoking crack, mom”. When I told my step dad (who has a gay son of his own) he said, “It’s just a phase, you’ll get over it.” 7 years later, when I was 20 years old, I enjoyed every second of getting to tell him that I still liked women. He blew it off. When I told my foster mom by introducing her to my girlfriend (at 13 years old) she looked at me, smiled, and said “I always knew you were a carpet muncher!” (It was a joke and her way of showing acceptance). I told her I wasn’t a fan of carpet and that was it. That’s love. I remember the kids in school finding out I was bisexual because I was dating the same girl I introduced my foster mom to. Girls used to corner me in the halls and ask me if I was going to hit on them or wanted to kiss them. They would avoid me in the locker rooms or yell “Stop looking at me dyke!” even though I was never actually looking at them. All the boys either wanted to see me and my girlfriend kiss or tried to have a threesome with us (because subjectification is just oh so sexy, isn’t it?) and all the girls hated us. I think they were scared of us to be honest. They didn’t understand. There wasn’t many teenagers coming out in my school; in fact, I don’t remember a single one besides myself and my girlfriend. It was much less accepted then. But still, I had it so much easier than what some have gone through. I mean, have you ever seen The Laramie Project? Fucking horrible. Those kids never bothered me though. I don’t know why. There were other “bullying” instances that did but my sexuality was something I was very secure in and the nasty things people said didn’t phase me. I suppose because nowhere in my entire mind, body, and soul did I feel like something was even slightly wrong with it.  I’ve met many gay/bi people who were deeply effected by the things people said to them or the way they were treated and the only common thing among them is that they were either raised being told it was wrong or they believed so themselves on some level. Self acceptance is a hard thing to gain and we live in a world that’s dying to destroy it.

   Sexuality effects every person on this planet in one way or another. I personally believe that it’s something you should never shame a person for. Damage like that can take a lifetime to fix, if ever. That’s something to consider for the anti-gays. When you’re “following your religion” by saying those nasty things to people or refusing to marry them have you ever stopped to consider that your words and actions do actually effect them? Do you want to go to Heaven’s gates with the damage you caused an innocent resting on your shoulders? If someone one day kills themselves because you were the last derogatory comment they could take, will you care? Will it keep you up at night? Or does your faith teach you that it’s okay to hurt other’s feelings so long as you blame it on that faith? Religion and spirituality do not exist to push your own agenda. It is not being a good Christian (or person) to take the Bible passages that apply to your opinion and twist them out of context so as to hurt other people. The world is already a hard place. Us good people try to make it better, not worse, for those around us. Think about it. Are you enriching this world with your hate and lack of acceptance? Or are you just a poison that’s threatening to kill off all that is beautiful and perfect just the way it is?

nelson mandela quote


5 thoughts on “The Controversy Chronicles Part 1: The Gay Topic

  1. Beautiful post Ashley! You covered this very well.
    For me, it’s as simple as: Good people are good people. Whomever someone chooses to love is their own, private decision.. and NO ONE has the right to challenge that!!! This is a form of racism down to the core.
    I’m a straight male that supports the LGBT community based on these morals.
    P.S… Hope you feel better! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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